I'm not trying to run away from my fault here. I am trying to figure out how to make up for it.
It's been a while since you last posted - and some excellent revelations on your part. WRT the quote - I think your have started by making up for it in your ownership of the issue and attempts to address it.
I think now as it was once put to me, you need the tincture of time.
I was in the same place a year ago - frustrated because I was finally dealing with my folks and the "harm" they put into our relationship. Mine folks too are not evil people, but clearly stuck their nose in the wrong place at the wrong time - or just said things that for them might not seem hurtful but to my W, were. I framed it once with them this way. I asked my mom if she said something that was out of order (even if only slightly) to a complete stranger, would she retract it or apologize. "Yes" she said. So I asked her then why wouldn't you retract something you say to family? And, furthermore, aren't "in-laws" in some ways, always "strangers". I told them I expect that they cease defending their "loving, parenting actions" which caused the hurt, but instead just apologise. And when the desire to provide coaching comes up in the future, don't do it - UNLESS asked.
But I was frustrated because I was dealing with it, but I wasn't able to have my W see it. So I kept working on that behind the scenes, while GAL'g for me and leading my life they way I wanted it to be led.
It seems to me that you have come a long way in the last couple weeks in terms of understanding the problem and architecting a solution. Continue your course and with time, hopefully the anger will fade. Just know you cannot force it...
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
