More thoughts about housework and ownership, etc., and a disclaimer. I apologize in advance if I'm just rehashing old stuff. If you want me to just zip it, let me know. ;))
I think MsHD has taken the first big step in delegating the bulk of the housework to you. The article I linked in the other thread talked about lots of women who can't even do that. The problem, of course, is that she hasn't turned over the ownership of that housework to you. In her mind she's still ultimately responsible for the outcome.
When you and she decided what housework you would handle, did you discuss and reach agreement on how the work would be done? (i.e. what is acceptable to her, what is acceptable to you). Have you ever talked about ownership/responsibility for the housework you do? Have you ever drawn a line in the sand and said that you would stop doing some of the work unless she completely turned over ownership to you? Do you think she would do this? Yes, I know she's a type 1 control freak, but she's got to start somewhere!
One thing I realized about my issues with H doing housework was that I assumed that he would do it like I do. We've lived together a long time and he knows how I like stuff done, right? Wrong. That stuff isn't on his radar at all. When he did do some things I often found fault with the job. I also sometimes wondered if he did a less than stellar job to get out of it all together.
I should add that he "owns" the job of cleaning the shower/tub and he does a fab job. He has developed his own method and I don't even mess with it!
Recently he told me that he needs me to be very specific about how I want things to be done. Break it down into steps. I found this annoying at first because, again, he should know this by now! Hasn't he been paying attention? And wouldn't I be treating him like a child?
But then I remember that when I first mowed the lawn (and I don't do this very often) I asked him questions about the best way to do it. Afterall, he's the expert. And I did it the way he does it. He's already figured it out. Why reinvent the wheel? Same thing with plowing (which I have never done, but need to learn). Actually he has yet to give me detailed directions on the plowing because he feels it's very straightforward and I could figure it out. Hmmmm....
