I’m transferring this from the “Breadwinning Wives and Houswork” thread…
Cobra: CobraIMO, when the kids do not want to help and are actually trying to find ways to get out of the work, they are not following your principle, they are not giving the respect to their father that he gives them.
Lou: Right On Cobra.
I may be wrong, but I get the impression that you believe there is a certain virtue, even an obligation, for kids to respect their elders. To see kids be disrespectful does not sit well with you, especially after all the hard work you have put forth in your life to support your family.
I don’t know about you, but I think that as a responsible adult, I have paid my dues, as have you, and that I am entitled to a certain amount of respect from my kids. There may be some entitlement here, which may not be all good, but there is also a boundary, that I will be treated with a minimum level of respect and certainly no disrespect from my kids, for whom I do so much. Do you agree so far?
So if you believe in maintaining a boundary of minimum respect from your kids, why would you not have a similar boundary when it comes to BB? This boundary of respect is for you and has nothing to do with who the other person is or what their age. So when you allow less from BB, you are demeaning yourself. For passive aggressive people who do not like confrontation, the only way to purge the building resentment is to take it out on yourself. That creates a cycle of self loathing.
So sacrificing too much for others, then enduring the resentment that follows is self-punishment. If you don’t believe it, take a good hard look at CeMar. His latest thread says it all. Self flagellation in the flesh. (How one can interpret that as the will of God is beyond me.) Proper boundaries with BB may seem selfish and hurtful, but a healthy Lou makes for a happier BB. So stand up for yourself, which means to take it easy on yourself, for BB’s sake.
