I tend to agree that a woman sees ir as her responsibility if others see her house as being not quite up to standard. Most people that visit a home for the first time judge the wife as being the one that is responsible for cleanliness/tidyness and if found lacking judge the woman accordingly. That said my H had a friend who visited us occasionally with driver. I always asked the driver in for a cup of tea and my house was always tidy and reasonably clean. I was away for a weekend and the driver picked me up at the airport before taking me home to pick up my H's friend. On the way home I mentioned that the house would probably be a bit messy as I hadn't been home for a few days. That was the understatement of the year. The driver was in shock he couldn't believe the state of the house and said his wife would have killed him if she'd returned to the mess I walked in on. To me it was what I'd expected took me days to get straight. Did my H see that anything was wrong absolutelly not so if I made a fuss it would have been ME making a big deal out of nothing.
It has taken me years to try not to care if my house is a mess and to try not to care about all the jobs that to me are important but my H doesn't see at all. I now do what I can and don't worry so much what other people think. Does the resentment manifest itself in other ways it used to not so much any more. If my H can't see the jobs that need doing why should I stress about them.
