LG... I guess I just don't know what to say... she's moving out. She's kicking up the R with OM. It's not looking good. Have you talked with a DB counselor from the board?
Yeah - A few days ago, our credit card company made an interesting gaffe - my W had gotten a new credit card without telling me, but instead of sending the bill to her work address as she requested, they mailed it to our home, as they do with our joint account. I opened it up thinking it was our joint card, and I saw that there was only one charge in the past month - to Verizon for pre-paid minutes for a "pay as you go" phone. This was charged the day after I confronted her with the knowledge of the OM.
I did a 180 by giving her the bill on Saturday, and not saying anything else about it, other than "you probably need to call them to straighten out the mailing address issue".
I had my first consultation with a DB Coach today - I spoke with Joann Sallmann. She helped me to discern what kinds of actions and interactions have been getting positive response with my W recently.
The good news is that I spent most of the weekend with my W, without talking about our R, and we enjoyed going to an art exhibition and having a delicious lunch at a classic diner on Sunday.
Last night at our MC, when I expressed my desire to be able to see her at least once a week in the upcoming months of separation, she was very amenable. I said that I hoped we could remain close friends during the separation, and she instantly kissed me and gave me a very tight hug that lasted longer than I expected. She told me that was her hope too.
I am following the advice shared by "David", in the article "While Your Spouse Decides" which links off the DB home page. He writes very convincingly about how maintaining a friendship, as though you are your spouse's best friend, allows the door to remain open for the friendship to grow into something more again. My W and I started off as good friends over 20 years ago, and love blossomed naturally while neither of us was intending to start a new relationship.
Joann gave me the same advice my SSM friends here already suggested, that now is not the time to go to a Retrouvaille weekend.
She also said that I should focus on being very observant for subtle body language and actions my W initiates, so that I can learn which things are working and which ones are not.
I will do my best to maintain a positive outlook for now and the upcoming months, and I will post again when I have questions or any new developments to share.
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Me 46 WAW 45 M 21 yrs
WAW: "I need to be alone" 12/06 W moves out 3/07 Mediation finalized 08/08
