Actually, I don't think the tune to "We Shall Overcome" exactly fits...
It goes "We shall not, we shall not be moved," (etc.).
Those of you who are REALLY young might not know that these songs were sung by the black (and white) civil rights protesters during sit-ins and marches. (Y'all probably know that stuff.)
I don't think we should change the subject just yet on this thread. The fact that his wife entered in a marriage with a lot of baggage could be the culprit of many of the maritals strains. Many times a woman can't handle the step kid's and the ex wife. They don' know what they were getting into. Some women can handle it. But see this was stress she never had to experience before metting HD.
The fact remains maybe she doesn't feel you are aggresive enough in defending her. You may think you have. But I have seen how passive you can be about approaching your wife and do anything confrontational. Maybe in your eyes you have done what you think is defending her. But if you did this agrresively enough I think this nonsense should have stopped with your ex and children. I know in my divorce degree it says we can't talk negatively about the other spuse in front of the children. This is something that can be brought up for contempt charges. If your children are there 4 days a week I can imagine she would feel exhausted and not very sexual most of the time. If she feels there is a constant war in her home. Instead of taking this to lightly HD maybe this is something that needs badly to be addressed. I mean come on there has to be a reason she would get that upset for you taking your daughter anywhere near your ex. This shows there is a lot of anger in this issue.
Also my husband has a tendency to not tell me things in fear I will get mad. This is maddening to me. I much prefer open and honesty. This puts much strain on our relationship. We have been together for 13 years and I am still trying to learn how to communicate with him. Much of his trouble in this area comes from his ex wife.
Hairdog, who's actually dusting the study at home while he checks the site, and no, I'm not wearing my French Maid's costume. (but I would)
I've already got this mental image of CeMar sitting at his computer, grumbling while trying to adjust that CB-2000 strapped on his d*ck, and now you in a French maid's costume, hairy legs and all, just like Klinger!
I've already got this mental image of CeMar sitting at his computer, grumbling while trying to adjust that CB-2000 strapped on his d*ck, and now you in a French maid's costume, hairy legs and all, just like Klinger!
ROTFLMAO- I gotta tell you guys the disturbing, although somewhat amusing, image I got lately was that apparently whenever I post a picture of myself on this BB it is saved to assorted hard drives around the country. Now I don't have a really big problem with this but my preference would be that the images were printed out on quality paper and stored in wooden boxes with perhaps some rose petals and a scrap of yellow ribbon.-LOL
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
More thoughts about housework and ownership, etc., and a disclaimer. I apologize in advance if I'm just rehashing old stuff. If you want me to just zip it, let me know. ;))
I think MsHD has taken the first big step in delegating the bulk of the housework to you. The article I linked in the other thread talked about lots of women who can't even do that. The problem, of course, is that she hasn't turned over the ownership of that housework to you. In her mind she's still ultimately responsible for the outcome.
When you and she decided what housework you would handle, did you discuss and reach agreement on how the work would be done? (i.e. what is acceptable to her, what is acceptable to you). Have you ever talked about ownership/responsibility for the housework you do? Have you ever drawn a line in the sand and said that you would stop doing some of the work unless she completely turned over ownership to you? Do you think she would do this? Yes, I know she's a type 1 control freak, but she's got to start somewhere!
One thing I realized about my issues with H doing housework was that I assumed that he would do it like I do. We've lived together a long time and he knows how I like stuff done, right? Wrong. That stuff isn't on his radar at all. When he did do some things I often found fault with the job. I also sometimes wondered if he did a less than stellar job to get out of it all together.
I should add that he "owns" the job of cleaning the shower/tub and he does a fab job. He has developed his own method and I don't even mess with it!
Recently he told me that he needs me to be very specific about how I want things to be done. Break it down into steps. I found this annoying at first because, again, he should know this by now! Hasn't he been paying attention? And wouldn't I be treating him like a child?
But then I remember that when I first mowed the lawn (and I don't do this very often) I asked him questions about the best way to do it. Afterall, he's the expert. And I did it the way he does it. He's already figured it out. Why reinvent the wheel? Same thing with plowing (which I have never done, but need to learn). Actually he has yet to give me detailed directions on the plowing because he feels it's very straightforward and I could figure it out. Hmmmm....
