Kids are as well as they can be, in a few days I will have custody(Sad as that is) doing well thanks to you and others. No thread to speak of, it's like I've got it and now I have a few guys from my hometown that really need what little I know.
Gym worked and now I am all muscles, got the new clothes and scent and W noticed. Only problem is I am enjoying life too much LOL
I see now where W is (MLC) it won't be fun but you know what?
Nothing worth having is fun, it's a struggle to get there!
As you already know, good communication is the key to a successful relationship.
Perhaps when he comes back you can arrange a trip together, just the two of you?
I am sure with all you have learned from these boards that you can find a way to let him know just how much you are still hurting and need a little more attention right now.
Hang in there, piecing is hard, but so much better then the other stuff.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Facing the real issues in our Rs is hard (ick), and I have no doubt that you are up to the challenge. You are an amazing, resourceful, loving, wise woman.
I can totally relate to enjoying life too much during separation!!! Not that I'd ever trade it for a good marriage, but it's awesome when one can take a difficult time and try to make something positive out of it. Hopefully your wife's MLC won't last too long, but at least, in the meantime, you're going through some wonderful growth and changes. You sound GREAT!
I'm also glad to hear you found some local buddies. That helps enormously (friends to GAL with!!!).
Thanks Brandnewday for the wise advice. I think how I handle it will depend a lot upon what my husband says when he comes back. If he shows even a little empathy and says he missed me that will go a long way. But if he's angry and blames me for trying to spoil his fun time I won't feel so close. I will try to explain what I'm thinking and feeling, but I need him to meet me part way.
Wow Aud, you are a sweetheart... and I think you are super amazing!
hey hon, how is it going today? hope you take this time to think things through and now to stew in anger. Remember to use "I" sentences when you talk w/him. Take this time to work on yourself and how to tackle this dilema, make the best of it.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
You can always make a suggestion!!!! I love hearing other's perspectives. I haven't read the Venus and Mars books in quite a long time, but I'll go into my bookcase and reread what I have. I not familiar with the bedroom book. I remember reading about men going into caves and how women need to wait for them. One problem I have is knowing when my husband wants to come out and talk. Sometimes I'm too patient and he thinks I'm disinterested. I don't like to push or pry.
Cat,
Thanks for your thoughts!!! My husband got home very late Saturday night. He sent me an interesting message from Miami about just arriving in Florida and was I going "out tonight?" Now for a guy who has been partying all week why on earth would he be concerned about that? For one he wasn't arriving in California until after midnight and I'm never one to stay out past midnight anyway (not even during the divorce and when I was free from kids!!!).
He got home about 1 a.m. Sunday. I had to take a group of girls shopping at one of the huge swap meets. That took all day and Sunday evening he popped into work so we had little time to talk.
We did finally get to talk Sunday night. We took a walk together and I tried to explain what I had been feeling. I haven't been mean or angry in any way. I've been super nice, but I'm more distant than normal. I tried to explain to him that going on this dream vacation without me made me feel unimportant and how it reminded me of all the years I was stuck home with the kids while he went out and had fun.
I tried to explain that by not being with him during special "down time," I didn't feel so connected to him. I told him that I felt vacation-time is a time to "connect," you're away from the computer, cell phones, etc... there's no distractions so it's a special time to connect with the people you love. If we had been together we could have had a whole week of great conversations, discovering a new place together, talking, dreaming, romance, etc... By not having this rare, special time together I felt unimportant. If we hadn't recently been in divorce and had had some special vacations together, I would have felt more supportive towards this vacation with his dad and the guys, but because things are still slightly unsettled here, it was a little upsetting (enough that I'm seriously considering the value in my marriage).
Anyhow, the bottom line was I told him it made me feel unimportant and unloved. This was a hard concept for him to get. He really had a hard time understanding it and seemed angry about my initial anger. He expressed some anger at not knowing what to expect when he got home. He said he didn't know if his clothes would be outside the house and the doors locked!!! Sheesh.... I did send him a text that I wasn't angry, I just felt unhappy in the marriage....
He did bring me an absolutely gorgeous necklace. I've gotten tons of compliments on it, even from strangers. It's nice getting this and I'm thankful he thought of me and bought me this, but his time and being with him would have been worth so much more to me.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
anger sometimes is a men's response at having failed his wife and is trying to make her feel wrong to denie that he messed up. Hope you were able to come to un agreement about his last min. trips.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I've been super busy so I haven't been online. As far as my marriage it's a little uncomfortable right now. Somehow the problems don't seem to get resolved. I wish there was an answer for that. I have been trying to discuss the cruise and my feelings with him, but for some reason we never seem to reach any answers. This shouldn't be so difficult.
I don't know how to get to the PMs. I know my settings say I can take them. Perhaps I need to try accessing them with a different browser. I'm using a Mac right now. Maybe I can get to them with my other PC??? Oh well, I have to run and get kids then do a million things....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
