Journey of a Happy Heart 2

[COG]

Nic,

Right now, I am just incredibly sad. I am really grieving the end of my marriage. But I do need to put an end to it completely. Not today, but soon. I don't want to know about the money he spends on ow. I just want to be free.

Amen Nic, go forward with courage, strength and faith. Get the legal separation, get the finances separate, get yourself through the dark and into the light, and don't look back. You've got a long struggle yet ahead, (the legal separation process) and we'll be here for you all the way. There's a number of us that have been through that process and can lend moral support.

I still think we have the potential to be happy and healthy together.

However remote, that potential STILL exists, and always will.

I went thru so many years of BS, I feel like I deserve a payoff now.

What makes you so sure this is'nt your payoff?It seems like the end, but is'nt it really a beginning.

I'm envious that he's being Mr. Wonderful to ow and a great "dad" to her kid--something he never was for his own kids till he left.

Does'nt it just make you want to bust his head? Well try to look at the bright side of it. At least he's involved with your kids now, at least he got that sort of right. That's really important for THEM. Totally understand your frustration though, but try to let that go.

I feel (unrealistically) that it's all my fault, that I was the cause of his unhappiness. Why else wouldn't he want to try again?

Oh yes and I'll bet OW is nicer, better looking, has money, is smarter, blah blah blah. Well I'm not impressed with HER choices. They don't exactly reflect the choices of someone who's got it together. More like someone who's very stupid? Oh well, not time for judgement.

All I know is that you are one very intelligent and attractive woman. You've faced your demons with courage, strength and faith. You've worked hard, educated yourself, and allowed yourself to be vulnerable. You stuck your neck out, sacrificed yourself, and hung on and gave it all for the good of your M. But it does take two.

I totally agree with your analysis of your sitch. Except for the part about you thinking it must have been YOUR fault somehow. I can understand that thought entering your head, but it's simply not reality. You'll realize that once you heal, and move on with your life, and see that your H will still be stuck in the mire of HIS life and HIS poor choices.

Stay close to God, He'll be your strength and guide.

Love,

COG