Erf. This reminded me of my marriage. I'll never forget my xW telling me (more than once) that if I did 90% of a task she wanted me to do, I might as well not have done any of it, because unless she could totally cross something off her list, my help wasn't helpful.
That's not quite the issue I was addressing but it reminds me yet again how different everyone's issues are.
I was the opposite. I was thankful for any help regardless of whether it was done fully or exactly the way I wanted. Geez I was ecstatic (too low of standards maybe??) just to have xH fold the clothes and take them upstairs. And I just silently hoped day after day when I got home that night that xH would have figured out how to move his cereal bowl and coffee mug from the island to at least the sink if not the dishwasher. of course I kind of wonder what I would have done with all that free time (10-20 seconds?) that would have opened up for me? Guess it wasn't too important after all.
In this case I was trying to prompt those H's who hadn't thought to ask and were with women who might not mention it. I totally forgot about the women who are demanding and who may be projecting their issues at their H's and have no qualms in doing so.
Sorry.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
I was the opposite. I was thankful for any help regardless of whether it was done fully or exactly the way I wanted. Geez I was ecstatic (too low of standards maybe??) just to have xH fold the clothes and take them upstairs.
This was me, too. In fact, the ONLY task my late H did was fold the clothes. He didn't move the folded clothes, he left them sitting there, but he did fold them.
This kinda cracks me up. I hear this from W all the time...that unless I do it "right" (e.g. HER way), I might as well not do it at all...BUT...(and that's a big 'but') she suspected that I did it "wrong" just to get out of doing it. Nope. I did it "wrong" because that was just MY way of doing it.
However, I am the chief/best/master dishwasher loader in the house. No one does it to my satisfaction. The difference is, I don't tell them they did it wrong (whether it's the kids or my wife), I just re-do it. I have told the kids the basic principles I try to follow: dirty side toward center of dishwasher, don't put all silverware of one type in one section of a basket (they NEST!).
The only help I might offer is to specifically ask what needs done or if they are doing something correctly.
Fearless,
Why is it the man's responsibility to check and see if the way HE does things is the way SHE wanted them done?
That's just wrong. Work is work, and one of the "dirty little secrets" of a lot of contemporary American marriages is that men don't do more, because their wives just criticize and make them foolish for the way they did things, when we were only trying to help.
Sorry to pick that one thing out of an otherwise thoughtful post, but that one just irks me.
HD However, I am the chief/best/master dishwasher loader in the house. No one does it to my satisfaction. The difference is, I don't tell them they did it wrong (whether it's the kids or my wife), I just re-do it. I have told the kids the basic principles I try to follow: dirty side toward center of dishwasher, don't put all silverware of one type in one section of a basket (they NEST!). Same here HD ^5.
If I re-arrange some things, BB doesn’t like it so I am careful what I change once it is in the dishwasher.
The way I look at it, it isn’t worth the put-down feelings BB gets when I put the dirty dishes why “I” think they should be, based on the loading instruction pictures that came with the dishwasher.
BB unloads the DW and if something is dirty (rarely) she puts the item back for re-washing.
Kids? call them back to do it right or close if that gets the dishes clean. You don't have to DIY all of the time.
That is EXACTLY the way I do it as well. Why should it be their fault, that their husband/dad is OCD when it comes to loading a dishwasher? That's my hangup, not theirs. To say anything to them would only insult their efforts.
I agree with everything you said about wives being responsible for the condition of the house NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE WORK outside the home or how many kids there are....and I think we do it to ourselves mostly. We are not always our best friends are we? Gotta do better to our "co-women". j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You guys are funny... so worried about hurting someone's feelings! If the dishwasher isn't loaded to get in as much as possible, I reload it. I'll also tell the kids to do it over and show them how. Same as house cleaning or yard work.
I had a friend long ago who had two college age boys, with nothing to do but go to school and party. Yet he would do all the yard work every weekend, in the heat of Houston summers. He said it was too much hassle to get into an argument with his kids because he was so picky. But we're not talking rocket science here. Even those boys can figure out how to mow grass and sweep up the trimmings. The truth is they knew darn well that if they held to their position of doing a sloppy job, their dad would give in and they could skip the work altogether.
So in the short run it was easier to avoid the hassle of training, but in the long run, the dad would have saved himself a lot of work. It doesn't make sense to me. Taking the Buddhist approach of the easiest path doesn't seem like it is in anyone's best interest in this example.
