I wish I could get past this feeling that it's all my fault, that is he IS now Prince Charming.
Always, you're right--what are the chances? Believe me, if you and AMD could run him over AND throttle him, I'd be thrilled, lol!
COG - Thank you for your ongoing support. I feel like such a failure at times, but I just don't want to do this anymore. I don't see it as giving up; I see it as something I need to do for my own emotional well-being.
CM - Thanks for caring, but it's over.
Amy - Thank you for your support. It means a lot to know that you don't think I'm weak for wanting to stand down. It's just all gotten to be too much for me. I will still pray for him though.
Mermaid - I know it doesn't have to be over, but I've had it. This is ow#2 (that I know of), and I know he was dating a bit between the two. Really, I think it has to be finished for my own self-respect. I also thought he was reconnecting. I don't know what happened.
All the others, thank you thank you. I have read everything. You are good friends.
Right now, I am just incredibly sad. I am really grieving the end of my marriage. But I do need to put an end to it completely. Not today, but soon. I don't want to know about the money he spends on ow. I just want to be free.
There are so many reasons why this hurts:
- I still think we have the potential to be happy and healthy together.
- I went thru so many years of BS, I feel like I deserve a payoff now.
- I'm envious that he's being Mr. Wonderful to ow and a great "dad" to her kid--something he never was for his own kids till he left.
- I feel (unrealistically) that it's all my fault, that I was the cause of his unhappiness. Why else wouldn't he want to try again?
I know I'm not making much sense here. I just need to get it out of my system.
Thanks for reading and writing.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
