Journey of a Happy Heart 2

[princess_nic]

You are all so kind.

I'm so sad. This is so hard. I had always felt in the back of my mind that after he broke off the A, he wouldn't get serious about anyone else. But I was wrong.

I am so hurt that he thinks he can be good to her. And maybe he can. But why couldn't he be good to me? Has he hardened his heart so much that he can't forgive me? He just flatly refuses to try again, to give us another chance.

You know, I'm worried that he has really changed, that he really will be a wonderful man to this woman, or to another one. That is was just me.

Gosh, I feel like Lissie--like I just started at this.

[princess_nic]

Just spoke to H re. kids.

I also mentioned that I find it really hurtful that he looks at me with such cold eyes and acts so cold around me. He said he does it so as not to give me false signals, not b/c he hates me.

I have to wonder, is this really MLC? Or have I just been kidding myself all this time?

[chaflo]

Nicola... I am thinking of you.... this is a ruff time I know and you have been in this fight way longer than me. I admire you for it. I do however believe that time heals all wounds and I am sure you will find someone that will love you as you loved your husband. You are a great woman and dont let anyone one tell you otherwise. I think all people here deserve to trow themselves flowers just for being here and for believing in their mariage. I think there comes a time when we need to pull the plug for our own sanity. Look at what you have gained from this experience, take the good and run with it. Dont ever let anyone put you down. Hang in there and if you need me I am just a phone call away... and a 2 hour drive!!! Feel free to come join La galere de l'outaouais!!! LOL

[Confident_Me]

Nicola, I've only caught the tail end of your story, but I just wanted to encourage you (even though it seems like you've been working at this for ever).


I don't know if this will strike a chord with you, but I'm going to share it anyway (got it in my email this morning):

WILL YOU LOWER THE ROPES? -

"One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, He said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." Luke 5:17-20

Do you know someone who is paralyzed in sin? Does that special person need to be brought to your Lord Jesus Christ to be healed and delivered from being bound in sin with their sins being forgiven?

Will you visualize in your mind this scene with Jesus in a house packed with people? Jesus was teaching, not in a large church as we know today, but in a small home. Everyone pressed in to be close to our Lord. Remember what Jesus had been doing in each town, healing the sick, setting free demon-possessed people and feeding thousands of people. The people of the town were hearing all about the miracles and they wanted to see, listen and touch our Lord Jesus.

Then four very determined men wanted to have Jesus heal their paralyzed friend. In fact, they were so confident that Jesus could heal their friend they carried him onto the roof, removing the tiles to create a hole large enough to lower the paralyzed man, who may have been as much as six foot tall. Imagine such determination, tenacity, and boldness to get their friend and loved one into the presence of Jesus. What faith they portrayed!

Are you walking in that much faith?

When we consider the customs and architecture of that day, we see that most likely the lowering of the mat was accomplished with ropes. After the man had been lowered, it would have been necessary for the four men to "let go of the ropes." Consider the alternatives. The man would be healed and walk out the front door.

If he were not healed, there was no way of drawing him back up to the roof. The cripple would be trampled by the crowd. These four men had enough faith in Jesus to bring their hurting friend into His presence and then let go of the ropes. The rest was up to Jesus.

How much faith do you have?


Are you bringing your beloved prodigal spouse into the presence of your Lord daily? Do you have the right ropes to lower your beloved to Jesus? For that crippled man to have been balanced, there must have been at least four ropes for him to be gently lowered into that home.

Do you have four ropes to bring your spouse to Jesus? One rope should be FAITH. You must believe as did these men did, that nothing is too hard for your Lord God to do in healing your marriage. Know and stand on the promises of the Word of God.

Look to God asking Him to increase your faith. Let your prayer be, "Lord, increase my faith daily."

"Have faith in God.' Jesus answered....Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:22,24


Another rope should be PRAYER. Believe in the power of prayer. Prayer can move mountains of circumstances, can heal the sick, and can touch your spouse to be delivered from the bondages of sin by a believing praying spouse.

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16


"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place." 2 Chronicles 7:14-15


When I was standing for my marriage, I had a person who I respected as a Christian say to me one day, "Let your husband go and let God bring him home. Let go and let God."

I had to let go of my own ropes that had me bound with unforgiveness, doubt, fear of the future and the hopelessness of our dead marriage. I had to totally trust my Lord knowing only He could touch and change my husband's heart and mind. I realized that there was nothing that I could say or do that would change my husbands plans as he was speaking loudly that he was never coming back home.

That day I chose to trust my Lord for my marriage.


Our third rope to get our loved one into the presence of Jesus must be TRUST.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6


The final rope I had was GOD'S POWER. When you have faith, you believe in the power of prayer, you trust in your Lord completely for your life, and then you add God's power knowing He can do anything. Nothing is too hard for Him.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power, that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20


I pray that you will be like the men taking the paralyzed man to Jesus. Take your spouse to Jesus daily in prayer, walking in faith, trusting and knowing that the Lord can do anything through His resurrection power. I knew in my heart that my Lord loved and cared about my husband more than I did, and was weeping over his sinful lifestyle.


Have you taken your spouse to Jesus? Are you allowing your Lord to speak, touch and deliver your spouse from the ropes that have them bound in sin? Let go of your ropes of Fear, Unbelief, Hopelessness, and Unforgiveness. Believe in your Lord Jesus Christ to heal and restore your marriage.


Now stand firm in the Lord and leave the results up to your Lord Jesus who can transform your spouse's heart in His perfect timing!

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love." I Corinthians 16:13-14

[still.struggling]

Nicola...I am so sorry about your current situation. You have been strong for yourself and others on here. You deserve a break. Sit back and do things for you now. Don't wory about what your H is doing. He is the one making the mistake. Let him find out the hard way. My prayers are with you.

[COG]

Nic,

I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. Poor decision on his part, very poor.

Just remember one thing. YOU are beautiful! You have given it all for your M. You stood for much longer than most people would have, and in the standing you've grown strong. Understand that your H is weak, and flawed, it's not all about YOU. Hopefully someday you can forgive him and pray for his salvation, if you don't kill him first. Until then, you WILL get through this, heal, and move on with YOUR life. With all that you've learned from this whole experience, YOU have become such a beautiful person, and an awesome catch for some lucky man. Just don't rush that though. Check out http://www.divorcecare.com.

May the Holy Spirit guide you, comfort you, and bring you peace.

Hang in there!

Love,

COG

[amd]

Oh Nicola. I could just throttle him, I really could. What an idiot. What a coward.

I think Ellie is right on about H wigging out when he sees you with someone new. And I know COG is right about the transformation you've made within yourself.

You do whatever you need to do. We are all here for you and love you. It will be OK. YOU will be OK.

Be well. I'm thinking of you today.

[mermaid]

Nicola,

Your h sounds like mine. I found out about ow from my d on mother's day. This was after I thought he was reconnecting for about 7 months. In fact I found out later he told my sister, emailed my brother and told my neice. But did not tell me. I know he wanted them to tell me so he would not have to. When that did not work he let my d tell me. Talk about a coward.

Anyway I know it hurts. I know you have been questioning if it is mlc but it does sound like mlc to me.

The ow is nothing don't give her any headspace. It does not mean you have to give up if you don't want to.

[always_14]

((( nicola )))

I don't know what to say, except that I would like to run your H over right now with the WASBUSTA bus.

Honey, you have fought, long and hard. You have also dug deep and faced the issues in your M. You have also come to the conclusion that it takes TWO to make it work.

No one here will think less of you for filing and starting anew.

We care about YOU. And when it comes to a point where YOUR sanity is being sacraficed by a lunatic....then, we only want you to be healthy and happy.

We are here with you each step of the way.

About H and OW. Bleh. Get real, honey. He's such a mess....you think he is suddenly Prince Charming and has sorted through his very deep-seeded issues and suddenly is a healthy partner. NOOOOOOOO. Don't think so.

[princess_nic]

Oh gosh, thanks all of you.

I wish I could get past this feeling that it's all my fault, that is he IS now Prince Charming.

Always, you're right--what are the chances? Believe me, if you and AMD could run him over AND throttle him, I'd be thrilled, lol!

COG - Thank you for your ongoing support. I feel like such a failure at times, but I just don't want to do this anymore. I don't see it as giving up; I see it as something I need to do for my own emotional well-being.

CM - Thanks for caring, but it's over.

Amy - Thank you for your support. It means a lot to know that you don't think I'm weak for wanting to stand down. It's just all gotten to be too much for me. I will still pray for him though.

Mermaid - I know it doesn't have to be over, but I've had it. This is ow#2 (that I know of), and I know he was dating a bit between the two. Really, I think it has to be finished for my own self-respect. I also thought he was reconnecting. I don't know what happened.

All the others, thank you thank you. I have read everything. You are good friends.

Right now, I am just incredibly sad. I am really grieving the end of my marriage. But I do need to put an end to it completely. Not today, but soon. I don't want to know about the money he spends on ow. I just want to be free.

There are so many reasons why this hurts:

- I still think we have the potential to be happy and healthy together.

- I went thru so many years of BS, I feel like I deserve a payoff now.

- I'm envious that he's being Mr. Wonderful to ow and a great "dad" to her kid--something he never was for his own kids till he left.

- I feel (unrealistically) that it's all my fault, that I was the cause of his unhappiness. Why else wouldn't he want to try again?

I know I'm not making much sense here. I just need to get it out of my system.

Thanks for reading and writing.