I think I've spent too long on this board today. I've been reading about NC vs. contact and I must admit it's got me wondering. I have had no contact at all this week and had been feeling stronger. But today,after reading Happy again's posts I've started to wonder whether I feel strong enough to resume contact. A few weeks ago W asked if I wanted to go for a coffee and I said I'd think about it, because I really didn't feel strong enough. Do I now? On Sunday, I certainly didn't which is why I took the NC decision. Plus she's still with OM.
Friend, my gut level, immediate response it, don't do it. Stay with the NC. If you still feel that you may be strong enough for contact on Monday, reconcider.
Seeing her, especially while she is still with OM, could cause the panic to come back. Do you have something you need to see her for? If not, I advise NC.
Maybe I should read Happy again's post. But that's MHO.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
I've been thinking that for D's sake, I really need to try to let go of the negative feelings I have towards W for what she's done and is still doing. I have anger and resentment in me when I see her and because I don't acknowledge that to her it does cause me to feel panic too. I know those feelings are natural but they aren't pretty and I want to rise above them. I am a good and a kind person.
If I really could be detached, I could let those feelings go and just get on with things.
I'm not ready to see W again yet but I'm going to work on really getting myself stronger so that I can.
I also struggle with the NC verse meeting my H. It is a constant debate with me. I hate for him to think he can have both worlds. I guess they don't look at it that way though. When the bomb first went down, I had no contact. It was too too painful. Now I am trying to do "what Jesus would do". That is my new motto. I am kind, nice, loving, considerate, no games, but on my terms. I still have my life, do the things I need to do, etc.... If he calls and I am busy, I don't answer it. I consider me first, but am still cordial and kind and loving. If he calls me to have coffee, and I don't have plans, I go.
I hope this helps
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
If I really could be detached, I could let those feelings go and just get on with things.
I know for me it comes and goes. I can be really detached today and slip tomorrow. The two things that help me the most are my long walks and meditating. Oh and by the way, I haven't risen above anything, when I get angry or resentful I do something really physical or beat the snot (usually involves yelling too) out of a pillow. Of course this is done when my D's aren't home.
:-) Grace, I think you're onto something. We don't really rise above much, at least not for long. We survive somehow. Right now, I feel I'm just surviving. Walking (which is a form on meditation, no?) is a fantastic activity to help in those down moments. I'm glad the weather is improving here. I will endevour to do more walking. My dog will like that too.
What to do with those feelings of anger and betrayal and resentment? How to rise above those? I guess we make progress over time. That anger has to go somewhere eventually though. Into a pillow works.
Hang in there. I hope you have a strong, good day. I think a good day is one in which we detach a little, don't feel the pain and anxiety every minute, and even have a few laughs or smiles. Good days are coming more easily these days, but not as easy as we'd like I'm sure.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
