I think we've scared her away, what do you guys think?!?!
Quote:
I think we have to NOT get caught up in trying to understand the OW! It sidetracks us and gets us all worked up and for what? How is it helpful? . . . Now, I think it more important to get back to thinking how we can improve the attraction of our M's for our partners.
I think the OP's input can be quite useful in figuring out what it is that our spouses are attracted to considering they are being drawn towards them!
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
I remember the MC asking my W what she liked about the OM. I think that was a difficult question for her, with me in the room, and was difficult for me. But if I knew, then I could decide if it's something I could or want to do to attract my W.
But my main point is that the emotions are so strong that they make rationale thought almost impossible. The only way to regain control is to get away from the OP.
If we did scare TSC away, I hope she learned something and will do the right thing.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
I was able to find out some of what the ow was saying to my H, I found out his cell phone code and listened to messages she left him. She seemed to be playing damsel in distress, saying there were prowlers around her house or people of a certain race were walking down her street, and she wanted my H to come check them out. She also would tell him she appreciated how hard he worked. Pathetic, considering his entire paycheck went into our account and she saw none of what she was admiring him for. I think they will try anything to get them, and resent anyone telling them it is wrong. I mean if your H cheats on you, and you go after some other womans H, what does that really say about you?
I would like to know what you decide, are you going to do the right thing, or will you do what you know is wrong, but is easier for you?
Yeah, I agree that your posting here gives us some insight into the ow, and what makes people like you tick. You let us into a side of things that although we detest, we also can possibly learn from it.
As you have read from the responses you have gotten, your side isn't very popular here, and even though some will defend you, by using stories from the Bible like the woman caught in adultery, and casting the first stone, your unrepentance is what makes those of us who are willing to forgive our H's and work on improving our R's so very angry.
So, I don't know if you will stick around long enough to read all these posts, or if you will wait for another month or two, and post again under another name, just to stir things up a little. Just for the sake of all those involved, step back and see that what you are doing is wrong, you are absolutely wrong in this.
VC, that's a perfect example of how OW get male spouses, they play to the "protector" part of the male, then she strokes him for all he does. Guys love it! When you aren't hearing it at home it's pretty damn enticing when someone else is saying it to you. I can remember once in my workplace, a younger woman frequently telling me how good I looked, "oh,you don't need to lose weight", "is that new, you look wonderful"...it was pretty darn exciting to hear an attractive younger woman say things my W hadn't said in years (OK, ever). I sometimes wondered whether I didn't love my W because I found myself wanting to spend time with this person. I saw it as harmless flirtation on her part, and it never occurred to me to act on it BUT it felt pretty darn good and I wasn't hearing these things at home. Damn, I should have beat W to the punch and jumped that young things bones. Hindsight
Are you thinking this poster was our friend Lilly ??
WhatIs:
It appears to work with the female spouses also, eh ?
TSC:
I am sorry if you were put off by some of the comments that came your way. Some were really strong.. but this is the BB and you will have that happen.. time and time again.
Muddle:
You are such an insightful and thinking person ! I have enjoyed reading your posts on the Boards from time to time when I see them. Your dedication to helping others here is great !
Tom, you are right there! My W's OP is the Queen of stroking and compliments. Personally, the odd email from her that I have been priveledged to see (in other words, snooping) made me feel sick! I actually felt they were so condescending, I can't fathom why W would go for that crap! And she is always SO available to my W anytime....Don't get me started AT
Just to say two things to TSC and one thing to Lissett.
Lissett, I get your pain and I thought you said it like it is, for you and for all betrayed spouses with kids.
TSC, I HAVE BEEN TEMPTED and felt a "real" connection to a man other than my H and I was in the military and where I worked it was 90% male. I got plenty of attention. Yes I was tempted with a certain guy. I have children. When I imagined doing "it" with OM and them finding out, or making my H cry, I simply could not do that. So I went to see a chaplain and then I went to a shrink to talk things out. I do recall thinking I "loved" the OM, (and no, we did not "do it"). Now when I look back at that time I have to say I feel I was almost crazy. Kind of like my H is now, only he didn't go to a chaplain or shrink to talk things out. He kept to himself so he could justify actions he once thought were selfish... I am embarrassed to see how nutty I was feeling and how adolescent. It was not love.
Second, please think of the child YOU are helping to deeply hurt, and the GF. And don't confuse lust/infatuation with love. I really don't believe it is possible that it is real love in this sitch. I don't believe love comes from these types of hurtful situations. How can it be love based on deceit and selfishness and attraction/"chemistry"? It is not. Believe me, I know. And just b/c it happens a lot in this country does not make it UNsinful. It is in the commandments for a reason. And there ARE those of us who get very tempted and DO NOT act on it...
And what type of guy lives with the mother of his child for 10 years without marrying? Please don't tell me it's b/c he never loved her like he loves you. Been there, done that. It just isn't true. Please realize it is not all about you or him. There are other people getting hurt including a child. How can you put yourself ahead of them? Are you a mother? I gotta wonder. I would NEVER do that to a child of mine OR another's. And I KNOW that. Be careful of what you rationalize, for it makes you dangerous morally and that's bad news for you in the long run. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25, you are so right! That jogged my memory, I said almost those exact words to my W, you know, the ones you mentioned about "love". I told her there was no way her A could grow into anything beautiful because "love can never be rooted in deceit and shame". Ahh, yes, that was one of my better moments!
