JBF, I don't know what you mean by pen portrait. I'd be interested to know how we are similar.
Good that you're putting it down for now. I think Jack's advice is good. We can't try to understand them, no matter how strong the need in us to understand is. One of those detaching things; learning to let go of what you can't control.
Hopefully some day you will re-establish contact. I'm curious why Jack says it's hard to do that. I can make some guesses, but I don't know for sure.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
When the contact starts again, it throws you for a loop. You are back where you were several months ago when you stopped contact. You are deciding on one level to actually go backward in this process.
They can't hurt you or not as badly when you have no contact.
You are leaving the Fortress of Solitude, and allowing yourself the possiblity of being hurt again, by this person who has demonstrated that they can hurt hurt you.
It is easier to stay in no contact, but that isn't why you are here.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
yeah...everytime I have to actually talk to my H....I get defensive...a protection mechanism...but probably destructive at best. So I guess i would have to agree. But he is not in a place where I want to really talk to him. Sometimes circumstances dictate it and it goes badly. Or he spews Yhe victim song....
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Thank you for your support guys. The smooches were especially welcome, Lis!
LiN here's your pen portrait. You wrote it, bud! 'Who I am: Thoughtful, caring father. Tall and thin. Blonde hair blue eyes. Good job and stable. I’m a good cook, do the laundry, love to take care of the kids, and I clean. I’m not a control freak, have any weird habits, drink only socially and in moderation, and don’t smoke.
I love culture, movies, theater, literature, politics, learning, and the outdoors, although I’m not a sportsman. I don’t feel the need to spend every Sunday in front of the TV watching sports. In fact, I’d just as soon leave the TV off most of the time.'
All I was saying was that we sound very similar (except I may be a bit of a control freak...)
With the NC I'm just playing it by ear and I'll see how things pan out over the next few weeks. Whilst I still feel sad, angry all the normal stuff, I do feel relief too, much like I did when she first went. I know I'll get through this and come out the other side a stronger, better person, capable of building a better R with someone who I love and who loves me in the future. Wish I wasn't in this sitch but I am so I have to make the most of things.
You sound so much better than when you first started on the boards. Your confidence in yourself has increased dramatically and I know that you'll have no problems finding some loving person attracted to your qualities. Your wife will eventually regret her mistakes but you might have moved on by then. It's no longer your worry. You worry about your daughter and make sure she gets the best out of life and then you take good care of yourself. Women are attracted to many (most) of the qualities you listed but there is one other thing that is really needed.....manliness! Be assertive without being overbearing. Show the way, be the protector of the nest.
If you think about how you were in the beginning vs. how you are today you'll see that you've grown and become more centred. You are more attractive and you will always be able to look back on this painful growing period with both joy and great sorrow but in the end perhaps that is what it took to take you to a new level.
I wish you the best of luck with what you're doing and hope you continue to stay in control of your life. Do or Not do, there is no try! (I've been seeing that alot on the boards lately. )
OK, now I remember my pen potrait. I wasn't familiar with that term.
Maybe I am a control freak. I'm discovering things about myself, maybe that will be one of them. Maybe we're all (including our spouses) control freaks, or at least freaks.
My friend also felt better when he started NC. I fear he closed the door to tightly, but he definately feels better for it. I envy you both, although I'd rather go the opposite direction if my W will let me.
But I foresee good things for you with NC.
What's up with the job opportunity? Any word?
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
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