WAW is giving me mixed signals again. She's constantly calling me to just talk. Last couple of times I saw her, she gave me the full body look from head to toe and I can sense she was having sexual thoughts.
I don't dare bring up R talk and either does she. I know she has not visited OM in prison for at least 8 weeks. She would usually visit him once every 4th weekend. I do however know that she is still talking to him on the phone and she is at least receiving letters from him. Not sure if she is sending them.
The last time I received reconciliatory gestures from her, I told her I wasn't interested until all contact is broken off with OM. She said she realizes this, but I have yet to see it. This is a boundary and a demand of mine that I will not compromise on. There is no way to patch up a marriage with OP involved IMHO.
Secretly, I don't know if I really want her back anymore, but on the other hand, it would be more beneficial to stay married for all involved.
How do I even approach a reconciliation if I'm not even sure if I want to reconcile? It wouldn't have been a problem 8 or 9 months ago, but now, it's difficult to think about. I'm almost as emotionally confused with the prospect of reconciliation as I was when she walked out on me. I've become so comfortable with being on my own now that I don't know If I can invite her back into my life I've built for myself. She would freak just meeting all the new friends I've made over the past 15 months. There are OW that call me on a daily basis and that I've established friendships with. I know she wouldn't stand for that even though it's nothing physical.
Argggg, Just when I thought I had figured it all out. I don't know where this is going, but it disturbs me.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I am just checking in on you....Hopefully you are doing well and you are keeping yourself focused on what you truly want to see happen with all of this. I know how you feel. You would have loved to open your arms to her months ago but now, you are confused on how you really feel about her. Same is true in my sitch. I love my H but waiting on him to decide what he wants in his life is starting to get old.
Take care!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
He is too busy thinking of hanging out in Memphis to worry about his W right now....
There is a lot more said by that statement than you realize Ben. Not just the act of going to Memphis, but my ability to do what I want, when I want, and how I want to do it.
It might sound selfish, but it's the kind of free spirit freedom that I'm enjoying to much right now to give up.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
And you should never give that up in my opinion. I know in my own sitch that is one of the reasons I was not happy in my R. I do not ever plan on giving up my freedoms again. I need to continue to be able to make myself happy and whoever I end up with in the future will have to understand that.
There are only three thing that I will accept as slowing my freedoms down everynow and then and they are my three wonderful kids. Other than that. This world is not ready for me right now....Everyone should be scare because I have been cooped up way to long and now the beast has been freed....
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
