Thanks so much for posting. It is nice to hear some good news on here and to see that some folks actually do make it home after a long run at running away.
Congrats and bright future to you and your family. It is great news that he would move away from OW. His actions state that alliances are in the right place.
May the Good Lord continue to bless and keep you and yours.
WN... Congrats on the birth of your little boy! What a very strong mamma he has! How wonderful to be reaping the rewards of all your patience and hard work...enjoy your family!
So great to hear from you, and to hear how things are going! You sound as gracious as ever. Obviously things take a while to settle back down, there are bound to be little aftershocks even a long time after, but things really sound good w/ your family. Thanks for updating!
Thank you all for the nice responses to my last post. I appreciate your support as always!
There have been a few times in the past week when my H has said something that makes me realize that they really don’t remember the fog they were in. I knew that only my friends here on the BB would be able to relate.
We went to a Newcomers Night for a new church last Sunday. We did introductions and when it got to H, he shared about his strict religious upbringing and how his family turned away from him for his divorce. But in the midst of the story he said that we met in 93, got married in 96 and have been happily married ever since.
Then the other day, we were talking on the phone and fantasizing about moving to another state (which I doubt we will really ever do) but I said that I like the idea of getting away from some people at work. And he asked, “like who?” in a totally honest question – not sarcastic or defensive. So I said, my old people (my previous department) and your old people and left it at that. He just said “oh” and we moved on. Can he really not think that I’d like us to get away from OW? Or maybe to him its such a non-issue that it doesn’t cross his mind? Either way, end of topic for a while.
Things continue to go well. I did forget to add last time that his cell phone is still always hidden away and most times on silent. H has been having a lot of heart to hearts with his one brother and sister and has made the comment that “a person’s perception is their reality”. Someday I’d like to use this to my advantage and say that when the cell phone is hidden away, my perception is that there are calls or messsages that he doesn’t want me to know about. But, I’m not ready to go there yet.
That’s about it. The boys are great. Littlest one is getting into everything and is learning to shake his head “yes” and “no” and is using them accurately so it is fun communicating with him a bit. Now we just need to get him into his crib…
I can't imagine that H would have fessed up to the fog times in that Newcomers sitch even if he does remember it. If he's done w/ that he wants to forget about it, leave it in the past -- why would he bring that up in a group?
I also wondered about that “like who?” question, if maybe he is gently testing you a little to be sure that you won't throw his mistakes back in his face. I think it's great that you two talk about this "fantasy," maybe one day you will make it a reality.
Glad you're enjoying the kids and that things are going well, despite a few "aftershocks." Honestly I don't know how you do it, don't know if I ever could, but you sound great. Thanks for the update.
I thought about my post after I submitted it. I was afraid that is sounded like I thought H would refer to his "fog" times in the group. I totally didn't mean that- would have been mortified! I just didn't expect the "happily ever since" part. Maybe just, "we got married in 1996" and left it at that.
I agree that he may worried about me throwing stuff back in his face but so far I've refrained from doing that. I always remember a friend telling me that that was what he worried about with his ExW and why he didn't go back. Don't get me wrong- some comments cross my mind at times but I always get past them. I definitely have developed that filter that stops everything that comes to mind from crossing my lips! This skill will no doubt help in all parts of my life.
As far as how do I do it? A lot of selective memory and figuring that we all need to live day by day even when things are good. Thinking about what is best for my kids and believe it or not, what is best for H. And myself. (I'm not trying to be a martyr here)
Nice thing for my holiday- H commented that he must be a scrooge or something because he doesn't get into the holiday traditions. I said that I know what he means but I really think we ought to try for the kiddos. He went out today and picked up a bunch of stuff for Easter baskets! I've already thanked him but plan to follow up with how great it is that he took care of this.
Happy Easter everyone! Try to persevere even though the holidays are especially tough when you are in the throes of dealing with MLC.
What's, Happy Easter! I'm glad to see that the h went out and bought some Easter goodies. One small step at a time! Things are cooking up nicely for you and your family and I'm extremely happy to see that.
I hope that the little ones enjoy their holiday and don't eat too much candy that the Easter Bunny should happen to drop off.
Enjoy!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
