My H has been back for about a week now. I have been doing alot of DBusting. I wish I did not feel like I have to be perfect or he will go astray again. I feel somewhat insecure. Everything seemed to be going fine until he layed on me the one night we were out that the OW was his good friend and he needs to have some communication with her because they are so "tight" and she has just found out she has cancer. (I thought we both agreed before he came home he was to completely cut the strings with her). He is changing the rules.
I do see what they call "baby steps". He does seem to be trying too, for instance today he called me and asked me to come up at his hang-out, but I politely told him no because I was doing so many things at home and I had just been out with him yesterday. He told me I need to relax. (Who will do the housework? ) --Anyways, he asked me again and again I said no, but thanks for asking and told him to have a good time. FIRST TIME EVER... he came home about 20 minutes later. I could not believe it! I made sure I told him how nice that was and complimented him. He said he felt bad for me and decided to come home. (I actually wanted to spend some time alone - FIRST TIME for me actually glad I had some alone time). But this is a good step I think. Wonder how long it will last?
I have a problem with my parents, though, or at least I think it is a problem... they just found out H is back and they are not happy about it. My daughter told me today that they told her I was sick for taking H back and I should get some help for myself. I do not know how to handle them. I half kept him away because of the pressure they were putting on me to do it... they were happy and I was miserable. I know my H can be the worst as**ole in the world and he did some mean and nasty things, but I still love him and my family and will try to save it even if against there wishes. I cannot live to make them happy. They think I am hurting my children by letting him home, but my little one is ecstatic and I needed help with my older son, he was getting into all kinds of trouble since H left and now my H is helping him and I think my son is doing better. My daughter hates him, although she is being fed all kinds of things by the rest of the family and not to be mean, but she is so gullible she will listen to anybody. And I am much happier, too.
It is going to take time to heal and deal with this, but I think all the hard work and pain and hurt and time (if this works out) will be worth the effort. If it doesn't at least I know I tried. Even though it is the 3rd time I'm trying. I am a probably over forgiving person. Maybe a little gullible myself. I still feel like I am walking on eggshells and I am still dealing with the OW (she calls him twice a day - but at least he is being honest about it now and I hope he will ease away from her in time). I do not trust and am paranoid and have anxiety, but I feel my depression is disappating.
I guess I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hope I can get through this.
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