In mid-April, I will see my H for the first time since last May. We are planning a sailboat trip in the Bahamas. He has been calling frequently. Twice today, once yesterday and the day before that.
It's starting to get overwhelming. It just seems like he wants to jump right back into the way we used to do things (he likes to micro-manage me). I am finding it hard to be chipper and happy when he calls. But, I am taking the advice of a few people and waiting to build up a cushion of good memories of reconcilation before starting to address the multiple and varied issues (micro-managing is the least of those). So, as Michelle of DBers would say "I have bigger fish to fry".
The issues right now are critical. The cabin has not sold - we had a buyer and they backed out. The money is running low. I was planning on paying @ closing, which would have wipped out all the money my H gave me last summer when he disappeared.
So now, I am investigating "short pay". That's how is micro-managing me. He was a mortgage broker before becoming a "sailor". ahhhhhhh! He advises me to tell bank that we are getting divorced and in the same breath says he is not asking me to lie. We have established that we are definately not divorcing. As hard as I have worked to avoid a divorce, I am definately not telling a bank that we are divorcing just so they will reduce the mortgage (even though that would avoid foreclosure). This a nightmare.
So, even though he is calling every day, I doubt he would provide any more money for the cabin. He is OK with it foreclosing, which is against my ethics. The decision to buy the cabin was his and his income was paying for it. So, I am a good candidate for short pay.
It is becoming clear that his sense of moral responsibility is quite different than mine. I think he feels like he has to lie to get what he wants. This is getting nausating.
Deb
Joy and Sorrow...when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep upon your bed. ~Kahlil Gibran
Me: 46 H: 45 Married: 5.0+ years Bomb: May 17, 2006 0 living children, 2 babies in heaven 1 dog, 2 cats
Latest development (he calls every day now) - he says he wants to continue "sailing" for another year or 2!! He has already been gone for 9 months!! This guy is on constant vacation. This is not what I had in mind when I said "I do". I am working every day and taking care of his dog, the cats, 2 properties and my apt while he is aimlessly floating on a boat.
But, the good news is we are talking now. I just don't want to schmuck it. We both wanted a family. I think after 2 miscarriages, he just gave up. But, the money that he has spent so far on this trip would have paid for multiple IVF treatments. His priorities are all out of whack.
But, I think we are piecing, since he has made several comments about reconciling. It's just that his time frame is a little slower than mine!!
Even his Mom says he is being selfish.
Deb
Joy and Sorrow...when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep upon your bed. ~Kahlil Gibran
Me: 46 H: 45 Married: 5.0+ years Bomb: May 17, 2006 0 living children, 2 babies in heaven 1 dog, 2 cats
