Thanks all for your support. Of course, you are all right--he is in MLC-land, so I can't expect him to act normally. Also, he does feel pretty bad, I think. He kind of apologized, but as a joke, so I'm not really sure what that means.
WCW - I would have asked for help had I really needed it. I actually asked my mother to come over for the kids and I took the bus/metro to work. It takes a lot longer, and I was really tired by the end of the day, but it was okay. What did you mean about taking the high road? I didn't say anything mean to him.
Good news is that he took care of everything car-related FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!! Even when he's had other little accidents, or even when the car was totalled, he left it up to me. He called the insurance company and got everything sorted out, told me not to worry about it. We got a loaner from the garage.
Oh Brava - I'm always very friendly to the parking guy, and this is where it pays off--he didn't charge me this morning! I couldn't find my pass, though; it's mysteriously disappeared.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I just found out that H is dating the woman he "ran into" and McD's with the kids. He says he is serious about her and that's why he's introduced her to them.
I asked him about it b/c I found out they've been out w/ her and her son a few times, and he told me that it's serious.
This is it for me, friends. He still refuses to give it a try, says now he doesn't understand why he can't be faithful to me and doesn't "want to dissect it." I am great, blah blah blah.
I know this probably won't work out, but at this point, it's the last straw.
He will be staying in his apt, which is good and bad. Good b/c no way is it big enough for her! Bad b/c I'm not looking forward to seeing them around in the summer.
I have to go now and call a church leader. I'm really not in a good place.
Lots of love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Oh Nicola I am so sorry!!! {{{HUGS}}} I wish I knew what to say. You know how to reach me if you want to talk. I am glad you have someone in the church you could talk to. I hope that helps give you some peace. You have stood for your marriage and you have done what you can. Please don't beat yourself up. And if you still want to stand that is up to you. Just because he is dating someone still doesn't mean it is over for you. It all depends on you sweetie!!!
Much love! Christy
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
It hurts like hell, as you all know, but that's not the reason. I'll get past it.
I just think it's time for me to move on. I've shed enough tears over this R, even while we were together.
He has closed his heart to me. I don't know if he will have an "awakening" someday--probably he will. But it doesn't matter. It won't be for a long time.
We did not have a happy marriage; not for many years. He was too weak to tell me he was unhappy, or to work on it.
He hasn't changed. He was too weak to tell me that he's dating someone, even though he's introduced her to the children. He looks at me, and looks so sad. Maybe it's just around me; I don't know. I think he's just a lost soul looking for something he can't find.
I told him tonight that I'm okay, that he's releasing me from a R that wasn't good for me. He answered: "I really believe that, Nicola. I really, really do."
He said something at one point about being logical, and I said, I'm obviously not b/c I still love him and he's treated me like $hit! I kind of laughed, but he got annoyed, and said, "I know," nastily. I guess he does feel bad about how he's behaved.
He still speaks so defensively around me; doesn't let his walls down.
Truthfully, it is best for this to be over.
I do have a lot to offer another man. I want to be married again; I want the opportunity to be the wife God wants me to be. This time, I will ask for His guidance in choosing a mate.
On Monday, he has his sentencing. After that, I guess I will start seriously planning my legal course of action. I don't know if I will file or if we will do mediation. Obviously, the latter would be much less costly.
I am going to get the kids to bed--it's 9:30! Then I'll take a tranquilizer tonight and sleep too. I will go to work tomorrow, no matter how hard it is.
This ow is not getting a prize unless H has suddenly become someone he has never been in the 17 yrs I've known him. So no need to cry over that.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I know this probably won't work out, but at this point, it's the last straw.
He will be staying in his apt, which is good and bad. Good b/c no way is it big enough for her! Bad b/c I'm not looking forward to seeing them around in the summer.
Nicola,
no matter what happens, it's YOU that has to be able to feel good about yourself. Right now, he's not the kind of 'man' you want to be with. Maybe he will never be that man.
However, you are the kind of woman that good men want.However you proceed, you'll do it knowing that you did everything that could be done. And along the way you heve helped others, like me, get our self esteem back and stand tall again.
What has he done?
You'll be all right. Now is the time for taking care of you, and looking at him for who he is: A sad, sick, lost person.
So feel sad, feel the loss. Then when you're done get up and sing "Hallelujah!" because you know the truth.
Looking into my crystal ball: - I see Nicola dating and finding a fabulous new guy - I see her H WIGGING out when he realizes he has lost Nicola and new guy is going to be parenting hIS kids
Be prepared - because it WILL happen. Odds are you won't want him when it does, though.
My heart goes out to you. You have to do whats best for you and the kids. If you think it is time to move on with the rest of your life. That is what you need to do for you.
You are a strong and caring woman and will make it. Get a good nights sleep and take care of yourself. I am praying for you!
I am so sorry to read of this latest development in your sitch.
You have been so strong, not just for your family but for all of us, too. I am glad you have someone close that you could call tonight.
MLC or not, your husband was wrong to introduce the kids to this woman without talking to you first. He is a coward.
Moreover, he is an unsure coward and I will tell you why...
How serious can he be when he doesn't have, and hasn't even initiated proceedings for, the one thing that would allow him to jump in with this woman ass over teacup?
A divorce.
So in my opinion, he's got one hand reaching for her but the other is firmly grasped on his real life.
If you stand down, no one here will think one bit less of you. You HAVE fought a good fight. THE good fight. But stand down or not, throw in the towel or not...you are still your husband's first line of defense.
So you're still in a battle.
And we will still be here for you.
Take care of yourself for a while and don't make any rash decisions.
Just spotted you made the move over here. Wanted to send you these ((((Nicola)))) and say I was sorry to hear of this latest development. Take care, I will be thinking of you.
