...a little disappointed in reading about the pizza on a plate and served with a napkin, as well as, the babycakes verbage that seems to inflate your low self-esteem...they are mere crumbs that are being thrown to you...that's all, just crumbs...
I was in your shoes and also in your husband's shoes, with the same husband. Did I call him sweet names, do things for him while I was having the affair...you bet...to throw him off specifically. They don't mean anything.
You mentioned earlier, that you found out from him that he did not want to be married to you...Tam, HELLO!!!...you found out about the affair last November...WTH do you think the affair means? It means, hey, I don't love you like I used to, so I found someone else that meets my needs, that I choose to sleep with - rather than come home to you...because of who you are now...I prefer being with that person, than being with you...
Reality check Tam...do you see how distorted your thinking is... if he just smiles at me, takes me to his parent's house, brings me lunch, etc.,...I know we'll be together...Tam, you are now taking apart his sentences, putting them under a microscope, looking for any "crumb" that will tell you he will come home. NO ONE knows if he ever will...but, keep focusing on him and not on you - the real problem - and another 5 months will pass by again, without any progress.
Tam, trust me, please - you have some serious issues to deal with...that require a therapist. Before you can even offer something to your husband, to come home, you need to fix the problem...you...you aren't ready to be a wife right now...you are not "whole"...in fact, you really don't like yourself much. What can you possibly offer? Another desperation show? A show of "how clingy can I become"? Until you repair your issues, he is not coming home.
Tam, I really like you - because I, do care that you salvage your marriage...but I literally cringe when I hear how little it takes to make you happy...your husband brought pizza, he said to you honey...is your self-esteem so low that this makes you happy? Tam, you need to get a backbone yourself.
I cannot stress enough...that it is you that prevents him from coming home...not new clothes, or old clothes, new hair style or not...it is your personality. If you can change only one thing about yourself...it would be your dysfunction...nothing else.
Your husband told you for two years before the affair, he was unhappy...you ignored it...he wasn't thrilled in making love to you because you weren't into it...and he is going to run back to you because...why? Your self-assured, confident persona?........ ....ummmmmmmmm, no.
Tam, listen - you don't know how much longer he is going to keep this temporary separation as it is...believe me, he probably has put a time frame on it...so, you need to get healthy first, then work on the marriage issues...but now - get a therapist, you can not heal without one...it's beyond your capabilities.
If you don't let him go he will leave on his own...that I can promise you...if you keep up with all these little devious tricks as to bringing him bills, talking about endless work issues just to "spend time with him" you will lose him...it is just that way that shows him how desperate you are, which = drowning in his mind...
Tambear...you are not at all in control of yourself...not at all. You are "grasping" at anything at all, any words, behaviors from him to assure you he will come back...again, this is what drove him away...you need something to hold onto because you are a very weak individual...you cannot survive on your own...
Tam, one word........honestly........THERAPY!!!
When you become strong, you will have the necessary tools to either win him back...or let him go permanently.
You have no other choice...
You know, if I could be you, in your frame...he would have been back by now...it's difficult to explain everthing over a computer screen...but, as usual...I want only the best for you...I am on your side, but I can't tell you it will work out for you...unless you help yourself and solve the problem...you...
