Excellent timing for it though as I am now 100% sure my divorce is well and truly busted!!!!!!!!!!! Yippee!!!!!! It feels so great to be able to type that. As for the other part of the title about my brain........it just doesn't seem to want to get it. I wonder if this is just a normal part of the process. What I mean is everything is great and H is saying and doing all the right things and I'm happier than I've been for years yet my brain keeps sending me into a panic that H is going to leave. Mostly when he goes to work (he decided to leave me while at work and came home from work and broke the news). It also kicks in if we have ANY kind of disagreement which has happened occaisionally mostly due to the stresses of our toddler! H asks when I'm going to stop thinking he's going to leave and I must admit I would like to know the answer myself. Maybe other success stories could let me know if they experienced anything similar.
To L and Rainbowlove and Jen Jam and UL who follow my thread the most.....my final goal is very, very, very nearly completely scored!
Oh and I finished my painting for the spare room!! I'm really pleased with it. My next "project" is to tackle the garden. It is huge and it really went to the bottom of priorities when I was on my own so its going to take a lot of work to get it back to how it used to look.
Now if only I could switch this panic switch off in my brain I truly would be inbliss!!!
I wonder just what you mean by the !!!! Oh, I am so glad for you that your D is well and truly busted!!
I know how you feel, my H seems to be doing so much better, but my brain can't get wrapped around the fact that he is being nicer, and is home more, and is talking to me the way he used to, although he sometimes half-heartedly says he isn't sure I really love him. He seems to be enjoying my company more, and sometimes talks about the future, as though he feels we have one. It's that dang old insecurity that does it, like you when he goes to work, or you disagree. It will take time for you, your H sounds like he is really really trying, and is committed again to you.
I know your painting is probably lovely, and you will make the garden look very nice, too, maybe a good place to sit in the evenings with your H watching the little one run around, and maybe a couple more little ones eventually.
I'm so glad to hear your H is doing more positive things too you really deserve it after all you've done to hold on. How can he not be sure you love him after all you've done???? is he just kidding around when he says that do you think?? Don't you just wish you could switch off the insecurity? I know I do. I felt insecure again today when H left for work and then he has done the sweetest thing. He popped in for a couple of seconds a couple of hours after he left just to give me a kiss!! and then I feel like a fool for feeling insecure and doubting things. I suppose its all down to just completely putting our hearts back in their hands and knowing they won't do anything to hurt us again. I think it will take me a couple of months longer to feel really safe.
It was a lovely spring day here today and I got a lot of tidying up done in the garden while S played. It kind of made me feel alive again if you know what I mean as I always loved our garden and gardening and my passion for it just went when the bomb dropped.
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and maybe a couple more little ones eventually.
Have to wait and see on that one!! It would be fantastic but our S really truly was a miracle against all odds so I don't know - can you have two miracles happen to you?
I haven't started another one yet, I am not sure where to post it, because I am not secure enough to post in piecing, I guess hopefulness, maybe. H is going out to pick up some wine, and put gas in my car, so I guess I will start a new one tomorrow.
You know the insecurity of not knowing whether or not they will hurt our hearts again is what keeps me from being secure, even though my H is seeming more confortable with saying ILY back to me, and the other day when I got him a new cell phone, we were playing on it and I called it when he was in the other room and we were talking silly and saying ILY to each other as though we had never stopped.
I am so happy for you, and I have prayed for you and the others here who have been going throught this, too. I know God answers prayers, and sometimes he says yes to us.
We have had a major argument today. It has lasted most of the day (not the rowing but the not talking time afterwards). I don't even really know why it happened or how it got to be a row. I kind of started it because I was upset about ML issue. H has gone out (was already planned not because of the argument) and we made up before he went but I feel so lousy. I was crying so much during it and H offered no comfort which made me feel completely alone and unloved. It was awful. I don't know if its just the pressure of waiting getting to me or what it is. I don't know why I can't be happy with what I have got. Well actually maybe I do. Our R wasn't right before. I often felt alone and that H didn't give me what I needed on an emotional level. It hasn't been like that since he came home - like we had both learned from the experience and wouldn't take each other for granted again. Today I felt like nothing had changed and never would and I felt like I was crazy for wanting this. Now I just feel confused and terrified that maybe I've fought all these months for something that doesn't exist. I feel like I've imagined all the good bits I clung onto and wanted back. Maybe they'll never come back. Or maybe this is just another down on the piecing rollercoaster.
Its still busted I know because H keeps saying we'll get there. Trouble is I keep thinking when?
It does look like the rollercoaster is on a downward turn for a moment, but it will go back up again. And down again....
Sorry, you are having a bad time, I imagine it is hard to wait for him to decide the time is right for ML. Do you think putting pressure on him may make him back off, though? You are doing fine, really. You have NOT imagined the good bits, either. And you know it. It hasn't really been that long, has it? I know it seems like forever, but it hasn't. And at least you made up before he left and didn't leave any hard feelings for when he was gone.
I do honestly think you are doing well, it's just this being patient kinda gets the best of you at times.
Hope you're well today girl. Sorry to hear about the downturn of events. It happens. It happened to me on Thursday. I did a HUGE, COLOSSAL backslide. O well....life goes on.
Could it be that your H is really feeling pinned down and pushed against the wall?
So tell me this? What is different about the times when you HAVE been getting physical attention from hubby? Like the smooch and such you got in the past? Remember that piecing a R is hard sometimes as you tend to fall into the old rut. You have to watch yourself.
I also know that this lack of $ex has been going on for a long time. Does H say that it's only a matter of time? If it is, then you've just got to trust him on this issue. There is no substitute for time really.
H asks when I'm going to stop thinking he's going to leave and I must admit I would like to know the answer myself. Maybe other success stories could let me know if they experienced anything similar.
We have had a major argument today. It has lasted most of the day (not the rowing but the not talking time afterwards). I don't even really know why it happened or how it got to be a row. I kind of started it because I was upset about ML issue. H has gone out (was already planned not because of the argument) and we made up before he went but I feel so lousy. I was crying so much during it and H offered no comfort which made me feel completely alone and unloved. It was awful. I don't know if its just the pressure of waiting getting to me or what it is. I don't know why I can't be happy with what I have got. Well actually maybe I do. Our R wasn't right before. I often felt alone and that H didn't give me what I needed on an emotional level. It hasn't been like that since he came home - like we had both learned from the experience and wouldn't take each other for granted again. Today I felt like nothing had changed and never would and I felt like I was crazy for wanting this. Now I just feel confused and terrified that maybe I've fought all these months for something that doesn't exist. I feel like I've imagined all the good bits I clung onto and wanted back. Maybe they'll never come back. Or maybe this is just another down on the piecing rollercoaster. 