Well I have locked up a thread; I guess that's a badge of honor.
Today I'm back in the pit of depression. I am not detached at all. I called the W with two questions, she called back and answered the questions and then said they did not warrant a call. Basically I should not have called.
I've been close to getting my wife back and I blew it. I can not seem to do it all right. 30 seconds of screwing up on the phone then taking the phones off the hook (because I let myself get angry) and the W is back to being pissed as hell. She was so close before she left and now sh#t, sh#t, SH#T! What a moron!
I have not been able to dig myself out today. I know detach, go to the gym, etc. It's gotten difficult. I have let so much roll off my back, so much hate and anger. And I say to my wife, "You are going to do what you are going to do, I don't control you." And then get irritated and take the phones off the hook from 10 pm until 9 am and I'm back to being the AntiChrist to her. This isn't fair, is it?
Mark….. A whining dumb@ss
Me 45 Wife 50 Autistic Son 11 Married 22 years Bomb 20 December 2006 Moved out 21 December 2006 Wife Said She Does Not Want Divorce 11 February 2007 Back out of the house 23 February 2007
Mark, I know where you are coming from. I get up tight about everything I see as a mistake too. We shouldn't do that to ourselves. I think you are being punished. She still loves you, I remember how she was when she left, that doesn't just vanish into thin air. She is hurting you because she felt hurt by you for not taking her anger, you stood up to her and now she is going to make you pay. Don't help her by beating yourself up too. I'm not sure what to say. If you take your licks like a good boy,(like I do), she will eventually calm down, but she will be in control. I would consult al-anon info, maybe one of the coaches here. Part of the thing of it is when they come close, our anger starts to come to the surface. Be kind to yourself Mark, you need to right now. I'll check in later, 4
I wonder if this stuff is easier for the womanizers of the world.
Do the men that screw around ever really fall in love? Can they move on and detach because they never really attached/loved a woman? Are there any womanizers here that can chime in? I guess it’s not easy for any of us here, that’s why we’re here.
Since getting married, I never felt the need to have a large circle of friends. I still have a few, but they are old dear friends from my childhood. I have known my best friend for 40 years. But our lives are on a different path now, he is still married to his high school sweetheart and he has his own set of problems with an adult child of his (alcohol, drugs). We have talked about our situations. But they are different enough that we both have trouble relating.
My one sister is a great shoulder to cry on, but I feel guilty because her job demands so much time from her that I’m afraid my whining just eats up her free time. My other sister is callous, she has told me to cut my losses and move on.
And I just don’t feel close enough to other friends and relatives to spill my guts to them. I guess the point of this ramble is how do people dig themselves out if things don’t work out? Is there something more than the passage of time that makes it better quicker, and how do you turn the tape off in your head that keeps repeating. I try to do things, gym, chores, TV and it’s still there in front of me. The hideous broken record, and the worse things go the louder it plays.
For me sleeping isn't usually good. Make sure you do something fun before you sleep. For me, if I'm upset when I go to sleep, I don't sleep well, and then I pretty much am doomed for a meltdown in the morning.
M 30 W 27 Married: 09/08/02 Mini-bomb: 02/27/07 Big bomb: 03/10/07 Filed: 04/05/07 My thread here
I've been here since September, and it was bad before that. If you read my early posts, you'll see how badly I blamed myself as well, for nothing. There's nothing you can do to change your wife's mind right now. That's something that she has to do over time on her own. You will not be able to please her no matter what you do. Don't EVEN try. Don't make contact. I know it's tough, and you hang on every word. 4's contractor had is ALL right, and he never read DB. The success stories that I've seen here and there HAVE been some, have taken time and only happened when the WAS was ready yo move on. I look at myself and say the same things as you. I'm faithful, a pretty good dad, a good provider, but for a variety of reasons, I was not overly emotive with my wife, and she felt neglected. I guess it seems so fixable to me, but the ball is not in our court yet, if it ever will be. I have noticed my W. is far less angry than before I left. If you get a chance, and want a good laugh read my Christmas Day thread, and see how angry W. was. It was without any reason. If there's good news, you have your sone with you. That would help me immensely. Hnag in there and do your best to be cool and detached. The calls are thinly disguised pursuit, although her response is preposterous!
