Crazy Eddie I doubt very much if my H was talking about his feelings to OW more he was lonely living away from home started going to dinner with her as business friends and it may be she talked to him about problems SHE was having and he connected with her. He felt unneeded at home unappreciated and here was someone who NEEDED him. He then decided he was falling in love with her and vice versa but was realistic enough to know they had no future together.
The reason most wives get upset is that they see the danger of an EA becoming a PA how do you think most PA start? It is the secrecy and lies that a W will be upset about. If my H met someone for dinner on business and told me about it that would not be an A even if he talked about his personal problems with her. Why assume that your W/P is not going to want to listen to your problems we're not mind readers. As for the person you're having the EA with of course it makes you happy that someone wants to be with you and doesn't judge you they don't see the real you. You are on your best behaviour with them not bad tempered or annoyed with lifes realities.
The wife catches wind of this emotional connection as you put it because (whether you realise it or not) you change and become withdrawn from her and you become MORE unhappy and it shows. Instead of looking elsewhere for the connection and affection you should be trying to rebuild that with your wife. Will read your previous posts from this one you could be my H. I would LOVE him to post on here he knows I do!
If my wife is on here, I haven't recognized any of her posts.
I learned some very bad habits growing up (which fall under the heading of "conflict avoidance"). As I saw it, my mother constantly scrutinized my every action and utterance, and probed my thoughts, feelings, hopes, and plans, looking for things that she could bitch me out for and pieces of evidence that she could use to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was a completely worthless piece of c***. (Not that she was actually following such a plan. At least I don't think she was. She was just short-tempered and dealing with a kid that was horrifyingly irresponsible, forgetful, and socially awkward, and increasingly secretive to boot, and nothing she did seemed to break him of any of it.)
So I spent my childhood doing my damndest to keep her completely in the dark about everything. I went and did the same thing to my wife and then moped because I didn't have any kind of emotional connection to her. Brilliant, huh?
At that point it was very easy to be drawn in by a woman that I felt "safe" opening up to precisely because she wasn't actually close enough and knowledgeable enough to hurt me (yet). That kind of bogus "emotional connection" can become quite addictive.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
