WAW may want to come back

[ddc]

UpNdOwn..thanks for your input.
I have asked her if anything I am doing is making her feel pressure..she said no. Now I have sent her flowers last Friday, telling her I great of a Mom she is and how I appreciate all she does. She loved them. I also told her I has a present for her this past Monday, she told she loves presents. It was a book that I know she wanted.
I know she loves massages and could not afford to buy one when shes there.
I did kick it around before I decided to do it, so it is done now we will see how it goes.

[UpNdOwN]

I have asked her if anything I am doing is making her feel pressure..she said no. Now I have sent her flowers last Friday, telling her I great of a Mom she is and how I appreciate all she does. She loved them. I also told her I has a present for her this past Monday, she told she loves presents.

It sounds like you're getting very positive responses from your previous gifts, etc .. so good for you!

Keep on keeping on!

[ddc]

Well I couldn't wait until to post how the gift went over.
I waited all day for a response and finally gave up and went to bed figuring she either forgot to bring the card or she was pissed that I gave it to her.

Here are the text messages that just transpired

ex-OMG thank u so much! Quite a surprise and i lov it! im going in the morning. thank u
me-ur welcome
ex-ddc thats so sweet and incredibly thoughtful wish i could hug and kiss u 4 it. thank u
me-I'll take a rain check on the hugs and kisses.
ex-OK!
me-going to bed. luv u.
ex-Luv ya 2 sweet dreams

Well I guess this went over better than I thought.
I will she how she is when she gets back from LV on Sunday.
I want to see if she will intiate any of the hugging and kissing, it has been all me so far.

[ddc]

Nothing new to report, only spoke to the wife twice since she's been gone. She called me both times to see how everything was going with our D. She very pleasant and friendly.
She will be back last tonight, so we will see if she invites me over tommorrow night.

I am going to see if she wants to spend the day with me and our D, she has been dying to go to Dave & Busters (which is a large arcade like restaurant/bar) and I told her we might go Sunday.

[I_Still_Love_Him]

DDC,

This is wonderful news. It is so true that we have to give our WAS the space they need to go through this journey while treating them like a friend. Because you were D, you had no expectations that she would return. This allowed you to simply be YOU and move on with your life and allowed your W to pay attention to realize that the changes you made were real. You became attractive to her again.

It seems that your W's LL is quality time and receiving gifts. The gift for a massage was a great idea because it was for HER alone. I remember when I did this for my H when he went on a business trip and he really loved it and appreciated it. He sent me a video card telling me how much he loved me and then 10 days later, he moved out, this was back in 2003. Anyways, long story, he came back and then left again in Jan. 2006. My point is if she is still on the rollercoaster, you will not know what to expect next. I hope she is off the rollercoaster and finally coming out of the tunnel which appears to be the case.

Spending 4 years having fun like a teenager is no longer what she is looking for. She appears ready to settle down knowing that she can still have fun being with someone who truly loves her.

Tread very lightly, do spend time with her when she returns, cuddle if she is comfortable with that, but take it very very slowly. She is feeling that "in love" stage again but we know what happens with the "in love" stage, it wears and maintaining that loving feeling involves action. Remember that love is an action and doing things for her in her LL will only cause her to reciprocate loving actions towards you.

While my sitch is nowhere close to being where you are, (although my thread has locked, I will start another one soon) I will offer my support from a woman's perspective and am looking forward to hearing more wonderful news. I'm sure you never thought this could've happened which proves that WE can not always control our destiny.

Your future looks brighter already

Thread #6 - Preparing for a New Year & New Beginning continues

[ddc]

I_Still_Love_Him
Thanks for checking in. From a womans point of view should I continue to pursue? or wait for her to make the next move?
So far she has not turned down any request for spending time alone with me and as you can see she has no problem with the gifts.

I see myself already expecting her to call me tom night and invite me over to thank me for the gift...but from years of DB'ing I know not tom have any expectations.

[I_Still_Love_Him]

DDC,

Your W still needs to feel like she is in control. Continue to live your life as though she is not part of it. Well, okay, I don't mean date other women It is her turn to do the chasing. If you were not seeing your W right now, what would you be doing? Going out? Watching football? Hockey? Live YOUR life for YOU not for your XW. I am not suggesting that you go back to the way things were when you were married where she was not a priority but don't be waiting by the phone to call her the second she gets back.

When you do get together, it is okay to pay attention to her because this is what she is looking for but I would not be the first one to call her when she gets back. If she really does want to work on your M, she is going to have to put in some effort. Wait for her to call you.

While it all seems like things are going great, be cautious, take care of yourself and let your W work to get you back. You were not pursuing her when she became interested again.

Let me ask you this? Did you attract the woman you were dating for 6 months by constantly calling her and constantly buying her things? Treat your XW the same way as though you just met her for the first time and are dating.

I see myself already expecting her to call me tom night and invite me over to thank me for the gift...but from years of DB'ing I know not tom have any expectations.

I think we can all relate to having an expectation but really, don't. When I called my H last week to wish him a HB, he didn't pick up the phone and while I had hoped he would, I did not EXPECT him to. I was able to still be kind and left a vm.
I also did not expect that he would wish me a HB the next day (you can see my post from March 12 on my thread) but low and behold to my surprise he sent an email both at my office and at home. This meant more to me than him answering the phone when I called him.

Expect little and the rewards will be greater.

Hugs,
ISLH

[I_Still_Love_Him]

DDC,

Forgot to mention - you may want to check in with Frank_D or COG as they have and are going through the same thing. Either of them will give you great advice.

[neli]

From a womans point of view should I continue to pursue? or wait for her to make the next move?

I think you should back off a bit. Let her make the next move. You have done wonderful things. But all of it has been initiated by you. See how serious she is about this?

You say you don't have anything to loose at this point. Yes, you do. You have already broken it off with your BMW girlfriend and you also have you to loose over this. Better to find out now whether she wants to pursue you a bit or whether you are just there to fill her needs when she wants them filled.

You were in the drivers seat when this started, but it has shifted now.

good Luck.
Neli

[ddc]

[quote=I_Still_Love_Him]DDC,



Let me ask you this? Did you attract the woman you were dating for 6 months by constantly calling her and constantly buying her things? Treat your XW the same way as though you just met her for the first time and are dating.

[quote]

Actually I have never really had to pursue any woman I dated now that I think about it. I am doing more pursuing now that I ever have.
I did not buy any gifts for the woman I was just with, her love language was affection which I showed all the time.

I will wait and see if she initiates the next contact.