More Nuggets of Widsom from the Veterans!

[Jamesjohn]

From Michele, Re: I did it. I sent a "Dobson" letter to Husband
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Dear Brenda,

I am glad that you wrote the letter and it helped you to feel better. I do however, want to clear up a misunderstanding that you and many other DB'ers sometimes have. DBing means doing what works. In my book and my seminars I teach people how to be more systematic- to approach their spouses in ways that work rather than shoot from the hip. I also teach couples to switch gears if what they're doing isn't working, even if they think it should work. So when you say that Dbing didn't work in your situation so you wrote a letter, what you're really saying is that you watched the results you were getting and decided to try something new. That's DBing, even if the letter isn't something I propose in my book.

It's important to keep trying new things when your are hitting dead ends. You did that, and that's good. I'm not surprised though that the letter prompted little response from your h. Usually, not always, spouses who are questioning their commitment KNOW that you are committed to working things out. They really don't need to be told. However, once in a while, setting limits is a real 180. When it is, it can have a very positive effect. It's possible that your h is a slow learner and he will come around yet, but it's hard to tell.

One thing for sure, if you back down now, he will never believe a word you say. So don't do it.

Be patient. I'm glad the letter helped YOU feel better about yourself. That is extremely important. Good for you.
Michele