Rejection is hard to take -- been there (I'm the one with the H who started a porn website and chased young chicks around all year).
But you can bounce back -- you can get on top of this -- you don't need to be at the effect of your fears.
Some things are in your favor, so count them:
1. Your H came home, came clean with you 2. He is experiencing remorse (shows he has a heart) 3. He's given you clues as to what he was looking for
Can you put a positive spin on this and work with it?
First, no matter what your H says, you are not to condemn yourself for being overweight. Find some literature that helps you appraise your big self as wonderful NO MATTER WHAT -- and embrace your size. More can be more FUN! You can work on getting fit, on getting slim, but till that happens, enjoy yourself anyway!
I found that sexy lingerie and outfits (think of these as costumes) put me in the picture. When I dressed up, though I'm not a youngster anymore, and not anywhere near model-beautiful, I could still turn heads and get some (much-needed) ego-boosting attention.
Give him time. Lay off the pressure. Soften. Act as if you don't need him AT ALL. This will take play-acting sometimes, but will get easier.
Fill your life with new activities. Even if you just try them once. You need distractions from the uncertainty and fear that things might not work out. Distract yourself.
Count even the smallest signs, and pour on the encouragement -- to yourself and your H. Small, seemingly insignificant positive behaviors matter VERY MUCH. They tell you things are working.
When in doubt, give the situation the benefit of the doubt. More good will come of this than you know. Think how good it feels when someone gives YOU this gift. It's really meaningful (is an ACT of love) when you let someone off the hook for dumb, thoughtless, rude, idiotic, careless or downright ornery behaviors. It's the way (said Gandhi) we can help heal the world's injustices (if you want a big motivation).
It also provides an example for your miscreant H of a better way to behave. Let him learn it. Trust that he will.
See what happens.
(In my case, it took a year, oh my god so much pain, but I DB-ed my heart out -- and love is springing up between us again. Like baby grass. Can't play rough on the baby grass, but looks like a lawn to me!)
Wishing you peace for today. Keep writing! You have my support,
