Looking Up

[LoginName]

Wow, good advice from Whatisis. Not that that's surprising. ;-)

HW, that whole trust thing is tricky. From what I've read, it takes time, years, especially since you've been down this road before.

My thinking is; I have to act like I trust, even if I don't. Kind of 'as if' thinking. Kudos to you for not snooping. That's part of acting like you trust. Because to act any differently would drive you both insane. I try to act like I trust, while I try to keep my detachment strong. She could leave me again (and probably will - I'm such a positive thinker!). She'll do it if she feels she must or wants to. Nothing I can do about it. I try to stay prepared mentally and emotionally for that eventuality. In the meantime, I act as if she won't.

Your H could cheat again. Even if you trust him, he could do it. You can't control that, no matter how hard you might want to.

I don't know what this means for the long haul though. If you feel your H might cheat, my W might leave, at any day, can you have a close relationship and have the trust that a good M should have? I don't know. Is it part of unconditional love? Maybe? Is it part of detaching to the healthy amount and not too much or too little? Could be. Am I thankful to Rumsfield for teaching me how to ask my own questions and then answering them? Definately ;-)

By the way, HW, I know this is hard for you, and I know it's tiring, but I still feel you sitch is going in the right direction and there is a lot of reason for hope.

Good luck. When you figure this all out, be sure to let everyone else know too.