I think this is where I belong

[LoginName]

JBF, good to hear your feeling OK today. So am I, although I can't believe I'm not falling apart. We must be doing something right and we must be finding some strength, more perhaps than we knew we had. That, and I think I'm getting too tired to be too upset. ;-)

What did you say in you text last night? Was it a text you felt you had to send? I think you said you were basically cutting off contact with her - going dark as they say. Does that include texting? I would suggest that it should. I think it will help you and your attitude too. Like you said, communicate on issues that you must; the house, finances, D. Be polite and don't go out of your way to be spiteful or overly helpful. I think it will be tough. But I think you can do it.

I think that examining and trying to understand our spouses can be dangerous, but can also be a good thing. I'm making this up as I go, but... If you (we) analyse our Ws actions intellectually it can be helpful because it gives us a reason for what has happened. That's important to our mental health and attitude. I think it can be dangerous if we delve to deeply into it and become more enmeshed (opposite of detached) with our W and the R. We can become more enmeshed in our own head without the W even playing along. If you examine your Ws MLC and try to understand, then I suggest doing as a scientist. Hold the W in your hand, as an object, examine it, put it down, walk away. Your mental attitude isnt' affected. Good plan?

My W had to grow up way to quickly too. My m-i-l jokes about it now. So from a very early age, my W felt she had to take care of everyone and she was responsible. Now, she is trying taking care of herself and not being the responsible one. If she needs that to be healthy, then I guess she has to go and do that. Just wish the kids and I weren't being drug the the mud she has to go through. I'll do my best to keep the kids and me out of the worst of it though.

So, yes, it sounds familiar to me.

It's a shame that we can't tell our Ws this stuff. Just like you can't tell them that their feelings for the OM are unrealistic and fantasy, you can't tell them they are going through a MLC. I don't think at this stage they can see or think that clearly.

My best to you. Cheers.