Aud, Just visiting from the other side of the tracks. Certainly I understand the feeling of wanting more or fine tuning what we want. You are doing fabulous! Keep riding the wave and I visit here to gain strength in my sitch...peace
Haven't heard from H since he called to say goodnight last night (positive!), but he's out riding his monster quad, and I know I can't outrank her today.
That's okay, I'm doing great--did some retail therapy yesterday and I'm feeling pretty in my cute new (size 4!) skirt. Finally, a little warm-ish weather. It's good for my soul.
Aud, Thanks for jumping the tracks and visiting my thread! I hope your warmish weather is thawing everyone around you especially you H where are you located? what part of the country, western states could mean anything? hope all is well and your H detached from the quad....peace
Thanks for checking in on me OSU and Whapu. I just love visitors.
Whapu--I live within a couple hours of Yellowstone...you mentioned Multnomah Falls a while ago, so I have a pretty good idea of your general location. That's a beautiful place.
Weather is warmish, but WINDY today. Yuk.
Speaking of H and his quad, he's on an all week trip with his dad and brothers and will leave from there for another week on the road for his company. That's the part that isn't thrilling for me, as he will visit both locations of his affairs. I'm handling it so far though. Have to deal with it sooner or later.
As far as thawing him...he's been calling at least twice a day so far, and that's good. Last night I sent him an email with a pic of me blowing him a kiss and told him I'm glad he's having a good time.
I'm gathering ideas for ways I can speak love to him without appearing weak/needy/pressuring. Here's my list so far, I'd appreciate any input anyone would like to share:
-D1's 1st birthday is next week, and H will be gone, so I offered to hold off on her party until he gets back -I'm using pet names for him occasionally -Expressing thanks for things he does, big and small -Sincere daily compliment (specific)...need to look for opportunities to compliment him in front of others too -Head/back/foot rubs when appropriate -Keep fridge stocked with his favorite soda, and make sure I have his favorite snacks in the house -Keep his side of the closet clear -Work on finding ways to spend more time together: go riding, get a sitter and spend some shop time with him, lunches -Make one of his favorite meals at least once a week -He seems to be open to me calling him just to say hi, etc., but I've pretty much quit all of that. Possibly I could start once a day?
I guess a lot of this hinges on whether anything happens next week or not. I don't want to have my head in the sand, but I think it's going to be fine. The truth is making itself known.
Aud, Peeking in from the other side of tracks. Checking in. Quote:-D1's 1st birthday is next week, and H will be gone, so I offered to hold off on her party until he gets back -I'm using pet names for him occasionally -Expressing thanks for things he does, big and small -Sincere daily compliment (specific)...need to look for opportunities to compliment him in front of others too -Head/back/foot rubs when appropriate -Keep fridge stocked with his favorite soda, and make sure I have his favorite snacks in the house -Keep his side of the closet clear -Work on finding ways to spend more time together: go riding, get a sitter and spend some shop time with him, lunches -Make one of his favorite meals at least once a week -He seems to be open to me calling him just to say hi, etc., but I've pretty much quit all of that. Possibly I could start once a day?
Is there any way you can email these to my w for suggestions to her? except for the birthday of your daughter of course. You are doing great! Yellowstone is beautiful country up there. Had a great time visiting before...you go girl...peace
Thanks for the feedback Whapu--I guess I can't go wrong if I just start in on the list. Maybe when you're feeling like it's a good idea, you can ask your wife to make a list of things she'd like for you to do...and you can use my list to give to her.
The last few days have been pretty much the same...except H is now firmly in OW territory, and I must admit to the occasional panic-pop-up in my brain. I don't pay them any mind, just garbage-in-garbage-out processing.
He has been good to call two or more times a day to check in, and my gut says he's behaving himself. We'll see. He's working in OW's facility this week. Blech. (Insert panic-pop-up here.)
In good news, H sent gifts for me with his dad and brothers when they returned from the riding trip. Everything fits and is very nice! It made me feel good that he thought of me while they strolled through a mall. I made sure to let him know that he did a fabulous job. He blew it off--he always does, but I am finally understanding that the way he reacts to praise is a macho front. Need to continue giving him more!
I'm hoping to have some time this week to nail down what I really need from H at this point, to see if it can be broken down into baby steps that I can ask for without pressuring or overwhelming him.
Aud, Just thought I would pop in a word of encouragement or two. It is really nice to see an example of putting theory into practice with your sitch.
You have created or in the process of creating an AMUSEMENT park of a different kind that no sane spouse could leave! You keep constructing and know that you are on to something. I think your H realizes that he has spent enough time in the false Amusement park (MLC) and now is the time to spend time in the more fruitful one! The one in which YOU have created. What an architect! ...peace
I've been thinking about what I need...what needs to happen in my M to progress in healing. I know I'm strong enough to keep the focus on me for now, and that I need to act out of my own strength. I'm fine with that. I'm willing to do anything I have to.
Here's the thing. I don't know where H's head is, and feel a lot of insecurity in the fact that he doesn't appear to feel any need to put himself out there to put this back together. And though I'm fighting it, it hurts to think that he's not really there for me--not willing to be my hero, my partner, my rock. When I've still got his back. It weighs heavy, you know?
