I see a lot of positives in your R. Both you and your husband are looking to move forward. You said that your H has is own stich too so I am assuming he is also DB'ing like you.
To forgive someone you need to forgive and be Christ like. Now for us humans, that may seem impmosible. But if we are truly sorry for our sins, and make a sincere confession, Jesus will always forgive us. Then, once Christ forgives us, and this is key, Christ forgets our sins. If Jesus did not forget our sins, then He would always hold that against us and no human being could ever be saved.
I think though as human beings, someone who has wronged us can never be forgotten because its just in our memory. So give yourself a break there because it won't disappear from your mind.
To love someone means you do not hold a grudge and bring up past wrong doings of your partner. My wife has brought up that I ruined her 40th birthday party, 3 years ago, several times. I apologized for my behavior once, twice and 3 times but she still brings it up in my face. My conclusion on this, she hasn't forgiven me for it yet. I will not grovel and apologize to her again for it because it has no effect anyway. To define love, read below what St. Paul said in his letter to the Corinthians.
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version) Love 1: If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2: If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3: If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing. 4: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5: It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6: Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7: It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8: Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9: For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10: but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11: When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12: Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I know its hard, believe me, I know too well, but don't give up. I have to tell myself this everyday, and more then once a day. CY
