A spouse will never meet all of your needs. He saw nothing wrong with flirting...he felt that it was very healthy. He didn't even see anything wrong with a woman 'loving' another man, whom was not her spouse. Afterall, we have the capacity to love more than one child... more than one person.
However. The only way to do all of the above is to be very CLEAR and CERTAIN of your boundaries, to have radical honesty with your spouse, to RESPECT and ACKNOWLEDGE that the spouse may feel threatened, in some form or fashion, and to KNOW YOUR OWN LIMITS.
I asked him if that was playing with fire.
He said, 'absolutely, if you don't know Who You Are and What You Stand For.
Wow Corri, that is an interesting shrink. While I do not necessarily disagree in theory, I do wonder how that can actually work. The closest I have ever come with anything similar is with my friend's xH but then again I treated my friendship with him as exactly the same as with my friend. I loved that I could call their house (or while I lived there talk to either one) and felt that I did not change what I said. They were kind of like the same person for me and I knew that they would talk and whatever I said to one would be talked about with the other. And I certainly loved him in a friendship way.
The playing with fire response was too flip for me though. That's why I wrote that I purposely have kept myself very far away from the fire or the edge of the cliff. It sounds all well and good to say you need to know who you are and what you stand for BUT don't all people go through moments (if not days) of questioning here and there? I feel like I do know who I am and what I stand for but I still have times of self doubt which I consider normal and healthy! If you are right at the edge of the fire or cliff then normal expected circumstances can align too easily in my mind. Which is why I have to think to myself which would I rather risk - not developing a very close relationship with the member of the opposite sex OR destroying my marriage? For me that was an easy decision but I understand that others choose differently.
Another point for me is that disclosing personal issues to a member of the opposite sex rather than your spouse is different than doing the same thing with a friend of the same sex. The reason is that typically men and women view things differently so the interaction between you and the member of the opposite sex would be a replacement of your spouse while the same conversation with a same sex friend would still allow the conversation with your spouse to have significant value.
Just my feelings on the subject (which are admittedly strong!)
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
