Making the leap - Hopefully wount Jinx it!

[cat03]

baby steps, easy does it, they didn't build Rome in 1 day!, keep up the good job.

here is me plugging in another great book I learned so much from "the proper care and feeding of husbands". Wished I had read it as I stepped off the altar!

[Cissy]

Hi,

I did read your last threads. Sorry about your kitty and your mum.
Don't give up hope. It is great that your H says I love you and even saying the OW is mental and is telling her not to call her. Not to be mean, but I hope my H can come to this realization about the OW in my life. Because, I already know she is mental. I feel for you, too and I hope things can work our for you. I think you are doing really good. Don't worry about losing it sometimes. I do the same thing. But I have realized that posting and venting on here with other people that really understand and can relate really does help. It does really stink though to be on that emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I just want to get off the roller coaster.

I wish I could help you, but my H just came home this past Saturday night. I am very new to this but I am hopeful, but scared. I am so tired of feeling this way. Sometimes I feel that I should not have to compete with anyone else. I have made mistakes, though, too. The DR Book really taught me a thing or two. I would not have realized the reasons for some of the things that were happening and think I found it at the right time. I am catching the "little things he is doing, too."

Keep up your spirits and stay strong.

Cissy

[limbo]

Thanks cissy!
I did have another step yesterday, H called me to tell me that some how the ow had gotten hold of his new cell # and had left a message on his cell!
This is huge to me that he told me! and I let him know how important this was and how it made me feel.
I hope that things continue like this!

[Cissy]

That is good! My H is still so secretive, he PROTECTS her. He should be protecting me from HER!! Right! He has been cheating behind my back with her, well a year I knew about it. Enough is enough! For the last year I did quite a bit of DBusting that I didn't even know about because I did not have the book, but did alot of things wrong, too before kicking him out a second time. I think I just get tired of waiting to get rid of her. I don't want her in my life. She is nothing but a BAD SEED! UGGGgghh! Sorry, venting again. I have got to get rid of this anger. Maybe it will leave when she does.

Anyways, I am glad for you. I hope they continue for you like this, too.

cissy

[limbo]

Thanks for that, I am sorry that you are still dealing with it and its still going on!
As good as this is I still have little nagging voices in my head, that wonder is there something else to it, is he hiding something else, you know how it is!
I do wish the ow would go away, this call was obviously a fish call to see if he would still be willing! he never called her back, but what will be next, coming by the house.
My H is actually quiet worried what she will do next, he told me he had talked to his counsellor about what if she pulls the suicide card on him!
She is still way to involved in our lives! I have never hated anyone as much as I hate her! I told H if she does anything else I will be slapping a restraining order on her!
I just don't like the fact that H knows she is waiting in the wings if he wants her!!

[limbo]

I just not to be able to stop looking for problems where there aren't.
I think with the ow lurking has really got me unnerved, I worry that he is going to be in contact and in doing that start this all over again.
I do believe him when he says he hasn't had contact, but I worry its only a matter of time.
I so want to contact her and tell her F*** off and leave us alone.
I know she called him the other day to fish and see if he was still game, and I think it will only be a matter of time before she steps up her game and finds other ways to contact him!

[Cissy]

I soooo know how you feel. Today, when I got home from work and saw she had called him twice already, I acually picked up the phone and dialed all but the last digit of her cell. Then hung up and said, "I am better than that and her"! My heart was pounding! I was only going to hang up on her.

I just wish there was some way for me to get in her face and to let her know I am not going to make it easy for her but without my H knowing. But I cannot think of anything. Getting in her face was the only thing I did not do last time and I can't help thinking maybe i should have. Maybe things would have been different.

You hang in there. You are better than her, too!
Cissy

[hes_my_man2]

Hey limbo...go to newcomers and find my thread I just put up...it's a long one, but it has to do with our MC session yesterday and addresses the "creating" issues thing.

It's long but I think you'll be shaking your head in agreement through it...

[limbo]

So I seem to be slipping further and further into a funk, and am no longer sure that I want to continue in my marriage any more.
I just am so tired of just always having this worry in my head and my heart.
Of constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop! I know that I have mentioned that before, but I just don't know how to pull myself out of this.
My H hasn't done anything to really make me worry, but I guess I keep thinking to the future and wondering will this fear always be with me?
Because I don't want a relationship like that, I want one like other people had, like what my parents had, where I totally trusted my H.
I also ask myself, if I am with someone else, would I totally trust them because of all of this! Am I now kind of damaged for the rest of my life.
There was a coupld of time last night where I always said to my h that I wanted out, that I wanted all of this to be over!
I just can't seem to be happy, I have what I thought that I wanted and just seem to be unhappy with it!

[InHisHands]

Oh, limbo, do I ever know how you feel! It's so much harder than we imagined, isn't it? While we were in the middle of the "worst" of it, life was nothing but one big, adolescent, dramatic game and at least we had a goal, at least we knew what we were shooting for. We were so busy trying to "win" that we never had to really face our own feelings.

Now that we have what we thought we wanted, we have to face the fact that we'll never REALLY have what we wanted, which was a marriage for better or worse with a man of character who can be trusted to let his principles guide his behavior. And you're right, if we were with someone else we probably still wouldn't have it. I don't know about you, but I know for a fact that I would never again be able to take the vows as seriously as I did with him and would never again be able to believe anyone else's vows the way I believed his.

I can't seem to be happy either. Every time I feel life getting comfortable, every time we do "ordinary" things together that used to bring me joy, it triggers a defense mechanism inside me that won't allow my heart to feel the joy that's coming. It's like my defenses sense any hint of hope, happiness or peace and knock them away before they can get inside and I replace the threat of happiness and contentment with anger and pain. I wonder sometimes if, after everything we've been through for as long as we've been through it, after feeling like we've felt for so long, our brains have convinced us that this is the way we're SUPPOSED to feel, KWIM? I mean, that we've been so used to feeling so miserable for so long that we don't know how to handle NOT being miserable.

Anyway, I don't have any answers for you, these are the things I'm hoping to address with my counselor tonight. If I get anything good, I'll pass it on. In the meantime, stay strong and know you're not alone!