See? It's working. The less you approach him, the more he moves towards you. You have proof all the way through your post. Fantastic evidence of the DB philosophy in action.
I do know how raw the pain and grief is and I can only continue to promise you that it is going to get better. It won't happen overnight - but it will happen. With each conversation you end first, with each function you go to on your own, with each decision you make independently, with each extra kilo you lift at the gym, each extra minute you cut on your 4km run - you will grow and get stronger and there will be a little bit less room for grief.
I am so pleased you are looking for a local therapist. Therapy/counselling will really help you. It is a great way to be able to talk through this stuff with a real person and I'm sure it will be a valuable personal development opportunity for you. Try to make that a priority if you can - you can't lose with that.
Tam - I am reluctant to comment too much on your H (because I agree you need to cease and desist on trying to figure out what is going on in his head) but I would like to make one comment about his behaviour based on my experience. Men who are having an affair and considering leaving there marriages do not think straight. What I read in your reports about him indicate to me a bloke who just does not know what he wants and has no idea how he's going to turn this situation around. I don't think he really understands how serious it is or what he's potentially got to lose.
As time goes by you can use his incapacity to understand the ramifcations of his actions to your advantage - but for right now you don't have to hurry. He's not going to be making any big decisions about the marriage or the business in a hurry. He doesn't know how to.
You are in the fantastic position of being able to use this period of his indecision to start to heal yourself. To get a life, to work on your positive mental attitude and to be the best Tam you can be.
Your big life lesson here is PATIENCE. Patience and probably perserverance (I love aliteration!!).
Well done today. You did very well.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
