Crazy Eddie I doubt very much if my H was talking about his feelings to OW more he was lonely living away from home started going to dinner with her as business friends and it may be she talked to him about problems SHE was having and he connected with her. He felt unneeded at home unappreciated and here was someone who NEEDED him. He then decided he was falling in love with her and vice versa but was realistic enough to know they had no future together.
The reason most wives get upset is that they see the danger of an EA becoming a PA how do you think most PA start? It is the secrecy and lies that a W will be upset about. If my H met someone for dinner on business and told me about it that would not be an A even if he talked about his personal problems with her. Why assume that your W/P is not going to want to listen to your problems we're not mind readers. As for the person you're having the EA with of course it makes you happy that someone wants to be with you and doesn't judge you they don't see the real you. You are on your best behaviour with them not bad tempered or annoyed with lifes realities.
The wife catches wind of this emotional connection as you put it because (whether you realise it or not) you change and become withdrawn from her and you become MORE unhappy and it shows. Instead of looking elsewhere for the connection and affection you should be trying to rebuild that with your wife. Will read your previous posts from this one you could be my H. I would LOVE him to post on here he knows I do!
