Can I just tell you how awesome you guys all are? You are truly my lifeline right now, and I can't thank you enough. I can't even begin to explain how difficult it is to not be able to talk about this in person to any friends, family, etc., and not only that, but to have to answer questions about us/him/etc. - it's horrible... So, thank you all for listening to me when no one else could be here for me.

Heartbroken, thanks for the advice. I have started reading your thread. I wish you all the best in your journey.

1210, as always, thanks for telling me like it is. I understand everything that you're saying. I am still looking for a local therapist and will go to one once I find one I feel comfortable with. I didn't "click" well with the one my doctor recommended. Will keep you posted on that. I know I have a lot to work on on myself. I am too dependent on him, and I am not in control of my emotions. I need to make myself happy and hope that, in turn, that will make him happy, too.

Remember that I am still very "raw" from this whole ordeal. It's only been a week and a half since he told me he didn't want to be married to me anymore. I'm not making excuses, as I know the quicker I get on the bandwagon the quicker I'll get him back. I'm just saying that I'm still grieving heavily right now - the pain is new and fresh and stings. With each new day, I have to pray that that will lessen and that I will get new strength. You all are helping me with that, and I am so very grateful.

I had a fairly good day today and want to tell you about it. H came back after the lunch hour - said nothing to me when he got back. I stayed up in my office. I heard him go and get the mail, and then HE CAME UP TO MY OFFICE to give me my mail. Usually he just leaves it on the stairs for me to get when I go up to my office, but he actually brought it up to me this time and made some comment about something that was in my mail. I didn't look at him immediately when he came in my door and kept working for a moment. Then we just spoke briefly, and he went back to his office. I know this sounds silly, but it's the first time that he's come up to my office since we've been home (except when he brought up my new shredder for me)...

Next, a few hours later he called up to me to ask me if I wanted one of the two pieces of pizza left. I asked him if he was eating it, and he said there were two pieces left and he thought he'd have one and give me one. I said that would be nice. Then he brought it up to me on a plate and napkin. Again, I know this sounds simple, but it meant a lot.

Next, he called me around 5:30. I thought he had left again and was calling me from somewhere, but he was just down in his office. He asked if I had time for a business meeting. I told him I had to go to the bank by 6 but could meet with him after that.

I went to the bank and got back and purposely worked in my office for 15 minutes or so before going down to his office so as not to look anxious to spend time with him.

We talked about business for probably about 45 minutes or so. I had things I needed to go over with him, but I purposely did not! I just let him go over his things, and I was careful to listen to what he was saying and not talk too much.

There is a property that I saw that I've been telling him that I want him to buy for us. We were talking about it today, and he did some research on it and found out that the buildings is already condos... I told him I was disappointed, as I had hoped we woudl be able to buy it. He said something like "sorry, babycakes - I don't know what to tell ya." Again, I know this is simple, but I got another nicety with the "babycakes."

So, when we were winding down *I* asked him if he had anything else - trying to be the one to end the conversation myself. He said he was just checking one more thing, so I waited. Then we finished and I went back to my office. He thanked me.

Oh, almost forgot... So we're sitting there talking, and his cell phone alarm goes off - I think it's the one for when a text message comes through, because his phone didn't ring. He immediately shut it off and didn't miss a beat with our conversation. So my heart breaks in two because I'm sure it's OW texting him... I don't know of anyone else who texts him... BUT, I keep my cool and just ignore it - meanwhile I'm dying inside...

So, the last thing is that I was planning on leaving the office around 8:30 tonight. I thought after our meeting he would probably leave - figured she was texting him to come over or something. Anyway, 8:30 came around, and he was still at the office! So, I told myself that regardless of whether he was still there or not I was going to go home at 8:30. So, when the time came, I walked downstairs, went through his office to the door to leave, and asked him if he wanted me to lock the door behind me. He said yes. I told him to have a good night and that I hoped his meetings in the morning went well. He said thanks. Then, when I started to walk out the door, I noticed that his car light was on. I asked him about it, and he said he must not have shut the door all the way and that it was okay. I told him that I would get it on the way to my car with my "big old bootie" and laughed. He said "whatever" (in a joking way, saying that my bootie isn't big). So I told him again to have a good night and LEFT! \:\)

So, I know I'm overanalyzing, but it's out of the ordinary for him to have been there that late. Also, this morning when he got to the office, he looked really tired. Then, there's the fact that he either slept at the office Saturday night or Sunday during the day sometime and the fact that he came to our office on Sunday to watch TV instead of going to her house. Could be reasonable explanations for all of this, but I can only pray that maybe there's problems??? But for all I know, he could just be wrestling with his emotions for me and how to let me down easy... I don't know. He was nice to me all day today when we did talk, so that was nice.

Anyway, like I said, I know these are all really little things, but I felt good about them anyway. Also, I didn't have to take a Xanax today at all! \:\)

Oh, also, during our business meeting, he talked to me about some properties that he's meeting people about to get my opinions, etc. He talked about future plans with our business again, and I just played along. I still don't really want to buy any more properties together until we get this mess straightened out but, as you've told me, it's best right now just to go with the flow. If we have to sort things out later, we'll just have more to sort, I guess... But it's nice that he's at least talking about future plans, even if it's with the business. I still just don't think I can do it if he stays with her... But that is NOT going to happen. I AM going to do what it takes to become a better person and win back his heart.

So, I hope I made a little tiny bit of progress today. We'll see how tomorrow goes...

Thank you again for all of your support and encouragement. You guys are the best, and I am so appreciative of your advice and tough love... Thanks for the advice about my emotions and getting them in check and putting them in the bathroom... (Can I put them in the toilet? Ha!) I will try this and let you know how it goes.

Again, I so appreciate all of you taking the time to give me advice and help me to hang in there. Be patient with me, okay? I'm listening, and I don't want to lose him....