it does seem like you have it under control but want to find a way to rock the boat a little bit...
Ooh, you hit the nail on the head Ben. Yes, I'm looking for ways to positively impact my sitch.
Things he enjoys doing with the kids? Mostly just playing...tossing them in the air, playing catch, teasing them. He enjoys having S2 in the shop with him (occasionally), as my little boy just SOAKS that place up, walks around and talks in his little man voice and asks "what's this?" and is just smart and cute in general.
I had a wierd phone call today, a woman asking for H. Her reason and questions about how to get ahold of H were a bit off-kilter, and at the end of the call, she asked if I was his wife. I got as much info from her as I could and took a msg for him. Googling the area codes of the two numbers I had for her put her in the immediate area of OW2--the woman in the hotel room I actually walked into in the wee hours of a July morning.
Pretty sure it was her...her story for calling just doesn't sit right.
I feel calm. If she's been trying to reach him on his cell, he's not answering, and that's good. If he does, I guess that's his issue to deal with. And time will bring truth.
Regardless, we are where we are, and I still have a lot going for me. Bring it on, baby.
Thanks sisters...I never thought of myself as kick-a$$, but I have to say, I LIKE feeling that way! She's definitely NOT messing with this head. It was a blip on the radar and GONE.
I am so blessed. To be able to look at this whole sitch with gratitude, for the love I have found inside for myself, my family, my friends (including ya'll),...even H--is an experience I wouldn't trade for anything.
Today has been a little rockier for me. No change in current sitch with H...very little contact this week as he's been preparing for his riding trip with his dad and brothers starting tomorrow.
This afternoon, I found out he will be driving his car separately and going on from the riding trip to do some work for his company (the dreaded work trip that has been put off since September)...starting in the general area of OW2 and finishing in OW1's town. I have to say, this really threw me for a loop for an hour or so. Especially in light of the strange phone call on Friday. Thankfully for me, H left with D5 and S2 for a little while, which gave me time to go over and over my 'replacement thoughts' OUT LOUD while I did dishes. I felt much better when I finished. Good thing D1 was the only person around...she won't think I'm nuts!
I have been thinking a bit about what I really want in my M, and need to let those thoughts simmer a bit and get them posted here so they can be more concrete and possibly broken down into realistic steps. Naturally, I considered the fact that H may never want more than what we have now--it's a pretty convenient setup for him. Trying not to dwell on that case scenario. I want and need SO MUCH MORE. I need to be sure I'm focusing on what I want rather than what I don't want.
We had about two hours to spend together tonight...watched our 'show' and then he helped me hang my new mirror. I asked how long he's planning for his work trip, he said 4-5 days and then H said, "So, are you going to buy a ticket and fly down to babysit me?" to which I replied, "I have no desire to be your babysitter. If you want me to come and have some fun with you, I'd be happy to." No real reply from him. Not sure what I'm supposed to do with that, so I'll let it go unless he brings it up again.
He volunteered a quick "love you" as he walked out the door.
Regarding the babysitting comment. My H made a similiar comment to me not too long ago to the effect that I had his "ball$ in a vice grip", whoa! Your H is probably feeling the same way. You need to start trusting him. Let him go, wish him well and tell him you will miss him, then get all negative thoughts out of your head. Remember, fear and worry make us weak. Weakness makes us look needy, desparate and unattractive. You are not weak Aud! You Rock!!
"H said, "So, are you going to buy a ticket and fly down to babysit me?" to which I replied, "I have no desire to be your babysitter. If you want me to come and have some fun with you, I'd be happy to.""
Hmmm.... Your response here was a bit snarky...
How did he ask? Was he snarky or playful? Friendly? He may well want you to babysit him, not in treating him like a child, but in terms of being there for moral support for him in a difficult situation. He might be afraid of the trip himself, you know... Of course, I have no idea what his tone was.
In any case, better answers, some better than others depending where you are in your sitch:
"Sure, I'll be happy to fly down there to sit on you baby."
"Well, I wouldn't want to be your babysitter, but I wouldn't mind languishing in a hotel room all day waiting for you to come back and ravish me..."
"No, but I'd love to be your playmate."
or a bit tamer: "No, but I'd love to see you and have some fun."
or even simply: "No, that wouldn't really work for me."
Oddly, I think the "bit tamer" response here is the most needy and pursuing...
(Edited because in glancing at a couple of other posts, I'm not sure where you are in piecing or if H has even committed to working on the M...)
The conversation about the babysitting...was a pretty lighthearted exchange, my reply was made in a pleasant tone of voice. I can see that I could have turned it into a more positive/flirtatious banter, and I'll work on that. I'm currently reading Mars/Venus and need to sit down and make a game plan for learning to speak his language better.
(I'm not sure where I am in piecing yet either H seems to be half-heartedly in the R, so not really committed at this point. I think he likes the role of boyfriend better than husband right now.)
Positive: H left bright and early this morning. He has called four times just to check in and chat. It's been nice.
P.S. Oldtimer--I think your suggestion that H might want me there for moral support is quite possible. He flat-out told me several weeks ago that he didn't want to go on the work trip. Though I don't think he'll really ask me to come.
I'm just planning on being easy, loving, welcoming...no stress for him from a harpy at home. And I'm praying he has the strength/desire to stay away from temptation.
She's definitely NOT messing with this head. It was a blip on the radar and GONE.