I know you're right about choosing to be stuck. That's kind of the problem . . . how do I choose NOT to be stuck? How do I find the strength to believe again? How do I convince myself that it's worth it to pick myself up again, dust myself off again, start over again, and believe in a better tomorrow AGAIN?
I know what I need to do, I know what will work and what won't, I'm just not sure how to make myself believe that it matters any more.
Our SS Lesson was on what you talked about, forgiveness. I am unclear on what exactly forgiveness means. If it means that I don't want him to pay any more for what he's done, then he's forgiven. If it means that it instantly disappears from my mind, then I can't. It's just another part of who I am now, just another chapter in a long line of crappy chapters of my life. I can't just put this one away, I've done it too many times and I think my heart, mind and soul are all just too tired to do it any more.
H-44 M-36 Married 6/7/03 8/17/06 - H not sure he wants to be married any more 8/17/06-present - Just crawling through the rubble that's left of my life 2/8/07 - H admitted affair
