Lil: I don't think she wants it to fail. Mostly because of DD5 - W is likely very concerned about DD5's adoption/abandonment issues, and, truth be told, she knows that I am a good father and certainly better to keep around than to have all those issues to have to deal with regard to DD5.
Nop: Early on, the kids truly seemed to embrace W. As they grew older, a combination of their mother's anti-MsHdog diatribes (which they shared with me) and my W's personal brand of "tough love" (intolerance for messes, many household rules, criticism) and later, some actions they perceived as preferential towards DD5, strained the relationship. To her credit, W tried many times to be inclusive/loving toward them, but she often felt betrayed by their habit of telling their mom everything that was going on at my house, and hearing it somehow regurgitated negatively by my ex to W over the phone, or over a phone message, or via email.
I tried to foster the relationship, to smooth things over between all involved (trying to be the peacemaker), but it's gotten more and more difficult over the years. It's not an openly-hostile relationship. It's just that some "family dinner nights" are cooler than others. Sometimes, my older son lets slip a negative opinion of W, my younger son lies to her about something and never hears the end of it (where does he get THAT from?), or DD11 parrots something she heard from her mother. It's wearing. For a parent, like me, it's just part of parenting, and it's become old hat for me to ignore the messages I perceive coming from exW, and deal with what's real. It's harder for W. Still, if she were able to take things less personally, as she did earlier in the relationship, it would be easier for everyone.
