Great advice. I think we tend to make too many excuses for them which enables their behaviour. I was so guilty of that. They are adults and need to have consequences.
BIL told me that H slept in the chair during the whole party for the baby's christening....Depression or what?
Anyway, I am really trying to not analize everything H does, but it is so hard not to. His behavior is so up and down. Yesterday d11 calls after H picks her up. He gets on the phone and asks how long my dryer has been broken. I told him since just last night. Before I can tell him I have someone coming to look at it he says he will be by tomorrow to try to fix it and if he can't then he will try to find me a good cheap used one. This is a man who has done nothing around the house in 10 months. What gives?
Anyway, d11 calls to say good night last night. I can hear her dad in the background. She inquires as to what s15 and I and the dog are doing and I tell her. She calls again this morning on the way to school and I can hear H tell her to tell me that she had his homemade mac and cheese last night for dinner. I feel like he is trying to get me to miss him. I am so suspicious of everything I can't stand it.
We shouldn't hear too much from H until the weekend now. It's back to work tonight for him. Friday is d11's bday. I am hoping he doesn't go overboard because I don't want s15 to feel bad.
Mopsey, They all want to feel like they can rescue someone. It's your lucky day with the dryer broken and him wanting to come by. Don't question him about this, in fact, encourage him whenever he offers to do something. Be sure to thank him once he's completed the work. They need to feel needed and admired. I know, he's been whacked for quite a while, but he's feeling a tad lonely and wants a little bit of attention from the family.
It's an up and down process and you can't figure them out. That's why it is so important to keep the focus on you and your children for you'll never know from one minute to the next what he's going to say or do. How could you? He doesn't even know himself.
Keep your sense of humor. It will carry you through the rough times.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly H never showed up yesterday to fix the dryer. I didn't call to find out why I just let it go. We'll see if he shows up today or if not I will call someone.
H's bil told me at work yesterday that at his daughter's christening, not only did h sleep through the whole party in a crowded room, but H sat in the back of the church and cried the whole time. The next day when the family was altogether at mil's (h's sister is in from out of town thus the family gathering), h was like a totally different person. Laughing, cooking, etc. BIL told me that he told sil the family needs to start to realize that this man is in a crisis. He may not hurt himself, but he could intentionally/unintentionally hurt someone else. BIL asked his wife to open the eyes of the family. I know this won't help H move along in the crisis but at least I know that I am not the only one who sees this bi-polar behavior.
So, no word from H since sunday night. We'll see if he pops in for the dryer. Don't know if MOW is still in the picture. Putting her out of my mind, but still wondering if she is lurking.
H called today. Worked on dryer and needs a part for it. He was very monotone in voice. He asked if I had spoke to C and I said we had been playing telephone tag.
I still will not go back to c with him. I will not present united front to kids and tell them this is what we want. Not when H kissed me goodbye on April 23 ..told me ILY and then stormed out that night after mow lied to him. I will not acknowledge that this is the right thing to do...run from your problems and blame others.
I left this on C answering machine today with a message to call me. I am done with trying to show all that I thing this is ok.
Mopsey, At least others are beginning to see the personality changes in your h. Eventually they all will and that's when your h will pull a bit further away from them for he will not want them to see him in that way.
I'm glad he looked at the dryer. Thank him when he's completed the project.
I don't blame you one bit for not wanting everyone to think you are going along w/him on the divorce or seeing the counselor, etc. You do what you feel is right for you and your children.
I hope he behaves himself for a while.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H called today. Fixed dryer. I thanked him. Short conversation and that was that.
C called me later in the day at work. C was suprised I didn't want to come in with H. I reiterated why and he just annoyed me with his attitude. He is definately not pro M. I tried to explain to him that I will not sit in a room with h spewing and not taking accountability. I will not look to justify this for H.
So C asked if he can see s15 again. I told him he can try again -1 more time, but s15 is feeling so much pressure that I don't know if he should continue if he doesn't want to. So first week in April S15 will have to go and let it out to H. Not sure how he is going to take it when I tell him but I think I will wait a bit. He is getting C in school and this may be overload.
So that's it for now. Tomorrow d11 turns in to d12. We'll see how H handles that and if there are any middle of the night calls.
The balls in H court. I will not help him destroy our family and sell our home. As a MLCer will he follow through....who knows?
Mopsey, You set the "C" straight. He doesn't sound pro-marriage at all. I'm sorry to hear that he isn't. As for your son, take him the final time and then listen to what your son tells you about the visit. If your son doesn't feel comfortable going to this one, you may want to consider someone else.
As for your daughter--I hope she has a beautiful birthday! Enjoy her special day w/her!
Mopsey, you are now understanding more and more why it's important to detach and allow their comments to roll off your back.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, C says he is about the reconnection process between h and s15. That it is about s15 releasing his anger and being heard. I just see s15 getting worse not better after seeing C. I am leaving it up to s15. I will tell him that he can let c and H know if he wants to come back. I did tell c that I thought H needed C. I have a C and so does s15, but the one who needs it most does not. I don't know...
Snodderly....if I haven't said this to you yet, thank you for keeping me strong. I am standing and praying for my H, but I don't know if he will ever turn around. I just know that I will be ok no matter what. I will not help him with this and I will not accept this. Thanks again. M
