You can always make a suggestion!!!! I love hearing other's perspectives. I haven't read the Venus and Mars books in quite a long time, but I'll go into my bookcase and reread what I have. I not familiar with the bedroom book. I remember reading about men going into caves and how women need to wait for them. One problem I have is knowing when my husband wants to come out and talk. Sometimes I'm too patient and he thinks I'm disinterested. I don't like to push or pry.
Cat,
Thanks for your thoughts!!! My husband got home very late Saturday night. He sent me an interesting message from Miami about just arriving in Florida and was I going "out tonight?" Now for a guy who has been partying all week why on earth would he be concerned about that? For one he wasn't arriving in California until after midnight and I'm never one to stay out past midnight anyway (not even during the divorce and when I was free from kids!!!).
He got home about 1 a.m. Sunday. I had to take a group of girls shopping at one of the huge swap meets. That took all day and Sunday evening he popped into work so we had little time to talk.
We did finally get to talk Sunday night. We took a walk together and I tried to explain what I had been feeling. I haven't been mean or angry in any way. I've been super nice, but I'm more distant than normal. I tried to explain to him that going on this dream vacation without me made me feel unimportant and how it reminded me of all the years I was stuck home with the kids while he went out and had fun.
I tried to explain that by not being with him during special "down time," I didn't feel so connected to him. I told him that I felt vacation-time is a time to "connect," you're away from the computer, cell phones, etc... there's no distractions so it's a special time to connect with the people you love. If we had been together we could have had a whole week of great conversations, discovering a new place together, talking, dreaming, romance, etc... By not having this rare, special time together I felt unimportant. If we hadn't recently been in divorce and had had some special vacations together, I would have felt more supportive towards this vacation with his dad and the guys, but because things are still slightly unsettled here, it was a little upsetting (enough that I'm seriously considering the value in my marriage).
Anyhow, the bottom line was I told him it made me feel unimportant and unloved. This was a hard concept for him to get. He really had a hard time understanding it and seemed angry about my initial anger. He expressed some anger at not knowing what to expect when he got home. He said he didn't know if his clothes would be outside the house and the doors locked!!! Sheesh.... I did send him a text that I wasn't angry, I just felt unhappy in the marriage....
He did bring me an absolutely gorgeous necklace. I've gotten tons of compliments on it, even from strangers. It's nice getting this and I'm thankful he thought of me and bought me this, but his time and being with him would have been worth so much more to me.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
