I hope you don't still think your XH is a "decent man underneath", after that not-very-veiled-at-all threat to your life? Decent men don't do this, not even when going through MLC.
As for your D's problems, I can empathise with you, my D is going through rough times. It breaks my heart that when S2BXNH left, he told me that our D7 would be OK, as "children adapt". So easy to say, tra la.
Laughing, I imagine you have read up about triangulation? Also, get hold of that book "SPLITTING: Protecting yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or a Narcissist". Please check this out.
