personally, I was an OW, but it's certainly nothing I'm proud of. That being said, I do sometimes get put off by the anger or hatred...and I am repentant of my actions......
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Whether you believe in God or not, it is wrong. Everybody knows that. You can rationalize until the cows come home, it is still wrong. If I wanted to sleep around I would never have gotten married. The ring on my finger means something.
I don't want to understand how or what the OW thinks. They have their own website called The Other Woman. It is filled up with tales of woe from OW who are so so sad because they do not understand why their lovers returned to their spouses after promising to give them the moon.
"But he said he loved me"
Whatever!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
UA You may have been the OW BUT you did not post on this board justifying your actions. You ended the relationship. You admitted it to your Husband. It is all in the attitude. And yes I know mine sucks right now.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
But I remember in the midst of it, I wasn't where I am now. It took me 2 months AFTER telling H to realize that om was a POS..........2 freaking months that hurt my H almost as much as the A itself.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
talk about an interesting thread. It really got my gander up - and I have to settle down. I just know in my own life I have so many things I have to learn before I leave this world. Discussion is important - working on marriage and relationship is important.
but 2 things come to mind......."he who is without sin cast the first stone"..........I find it interesting that Jesus said that to a circle of people ready to stone the adulterous woman. They all walked away.......
the other thing that comes to mind........."Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do"........after He was nailed to the cross.
Now if you're a non-believer.........these statements may mean nothing to you.......and that's ok.......because I am not here to state what you should believe.
but many here are believers......and tho we hurt inside from what our spouses have done in our families.......hurling stones at the OP is NOT the answer. And yes.......forgiveness is necessary........always........without it life becomes harsh. I've seen people become bitter, angry, nasty people when they can't get thru what their spouse has done to them. Sometimes it just goes on for years. At what point do we take our own responsibility and hold it in check so that we are an example to our children and our families?
I'm glad I came over here today. It has reminded me, once again, what God wants from me......whether I wish it or not......and that is to love others as He loved. He didn't say it would ever be easy. In fact......it will probably be the hardest thing I ever will have to do in my life time.
It's not something I will ever be able to boast about having learned to do perfectly........I'll never be able to do that. But it is a goal to try.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
I can understand how you feel exactly. However, I'd like to point out that this is still valuable to read. Some of us (probably more to the point of actual GALing) have a need to understand how the other woman thinks and how in heaven's name she decided to pursue a guy who should have been unavailable. I'm finding the conversation valuable.
Strangely we seem to get the OW's perspective more than OM's perspective. I wonder about that. I think women fool themselves into thinking it's "love" rather than lust more often than men do. But love has more of a dedicated feeling. No woman in love really wants to see a man lose his family and part of his wealth and then become disappointed with his life. She's blind if she doesn't see that *he* is part of the problem and needs to fix himself before walking away and blaming it on his partner alone.
My STBX wanted to not work on things "because of the pain". I'm sure that the majority of that pain was walking away from the thing that was giving him pleasure (ie. OW). Whether she continues to give him that pleasure or not, she has allowed him the choice to walk away. So what will he do when their relationship runs into trouble? She will then reverse her decision and expect him to work on it regardless of pain and issues, I would think. Unless she walks away first. By that time, he's lost everything -- for nothing.
No, I really feel it's a valuable discussion. It's obviously to the point that those who are the "other woman" advocate walking away as long as they are not the one being walked away from. Otherwise they would not give a man in a relationship any chance to hook up with them.
Originally Posted By: Noname
I think the moderators need to delete this post!
It actually makes me feel very unwell.
And I think it's about time to change my name. (no longer Blue)Poet
*M:50 WAH/PA:47 *M:29+ *Bomb:10/13/06 *Sep:10/17/06(me in house) *H wants D-11/30/06 *01/08/07- Me - NG, New R *2/26/07- filing of D *5/29/07- D final *08/25/07- Me - New R ends. - is ex-h living with OW? *D:32, S:24
Hi TSC, I was very interested in your post, and the responses, but it grow so fast and so quickly that I haven't had time to read them all.
However, I want to comment too, and I hope I add something new or support something in a new way.
My background, and why I feel I may have something to add is that I have had an A. I ended it. I thought my W knew nothing about it. My W just had an A and left me in October. She is back now (sort of, I still get the ILYBNILWY speech). And, like most here, I've read alot about infidelity and such.
My point is.... emotions are so strong and powerful that they override everything. Even someone like you, who knows the pain of being on the other side, can be controlled by those powerful feelings. The only way to be able to make a good decision is to get away from those emotions. Stop seeing this man and don't see him until the emotions subside. Then think about it all. He can't make an intelligent decision now either, with you near. Maybe you don't have to change jobs, but otherwise cut off or limit contact.
In my A (yes, we aren't all above blame) I knew it was wrong. I told myself it was wrong. I told myself I was hurting my W and kids terribly - even if they knew nothing about it. And yet, when I was with her, I couldn't keep my arm from encircling her and my lips from pressing against hers. (I still feel the urge now and it's been 2+ years. I guess I'll have to accept that my W will still be thinking of her OM years from now too.). Only by cutting off all contact; email, phone, definately physical, could I think clearly enough to end the A.
So, TSC, I applaud your courage for posting here. I wish more OW, and MLCers, and WAS would. It's important for all of us to try to understand the other's point of view. I don't condone what you are doing, and I don't approve, but I can undertand and empathis with you.
I really hope this works out for the best for you.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
I think we have to NOT get caught up in trying to understand the OW! It sidetracks us and gets us all worked up and for what? How is it helpful? OK, OW have issues, so what! They got caught up the same little fantasy our S's did, end of story. They can both choose to end it but don't (and some courageous ones do). Now, I think it more important to get back to thinking how we can improve the attraction of our M's for our partners. We can't provide the fantasy world that OW can but we CAN look at our R's and figure out what was missing and try to work on that. Let's all forget obsessing over this thread and get back to helping each other!