WAW is giving me mixed signals again. She's constantly calling me to just talk. Last couple of times I saw her, she gave me the full body look from head to toe and I can sense she was having sexual thoughts.
I don't dare bring up R talk and either does she. I know she has not visited OM in prison for at least 8 weeks. She would usually visit him once every 4th weekend. I do however know that she is still talking to him on the phone and she is at least receiving letters from him. Not sure if she is sending them.
The last time I received reconciliatory gestures from her, I told her I wasn't interested until all contact is broken off with OM. She said she realizes this, but I have yet to see it. This is a boundary and a demand of mine that I will not compromise on. There is no way to patch up a marriage with OP involved IMHO.
Secretly, I don't know if I really want her back anymore, but on the other hand, it would be more beneficial to stay married for all involved.
How do I even approach a reconciliation if I'm not even sure if I want to reconcile? It wouldn't have been a problem 8 or 9 months ago, but now, it's difficult to think about. I'm almost as emotionally confused with the prospect of reconciliation as I was when she walked out on me. I've become so comfortable with being on my own now that I don't know If I can invite her back into my life I've built for myself. She would freak just meeting all the new friends I've made over the past 15 months. There are OW that call me on a daily basis and that I've established friendships with. I know she wouldn't stand for that even though it's nothing physical.
Argggg, Just when I thought I had figured it all out. I don't know where this is going, but it disturbs me.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
