Looks like our posts just crossed. Thanks for checking in with me. First and foremost, please just be thankful that you are able to sleep in the same bed with your H... Remember back to when you were sleeping alone every night? I'd give anything right now for H to want to spend even four hours in the same bed with me... Four hours will eventually lead to more. You have come so very far; I am so proud of you and admire you so much. The "quality time" will come. How long has your H been back home now? Hang in there. You have come so very far.
Regarding tomorrow night, isn't it important, though, for H to see that I'm not just sitting around belly-aching for him? I know I'm going out with my friends to give myself a boost, but I also know that he told me the OW is more outgoing than me, and I know he misses that about me, as I was more outgoing in the beginning of our R. I want him to see that I'm working on finding the old me again... Does that make sense?
Regarding the parents, I'm sure you're right. I guess I just want to see if he even WANTS me to go. It's that reassurance thing. If he at least wants me to go, even if I don't go, that helps give me strength. Maybe that's what I'm holding out for. I know I need to find the strength within myself. I haven't done anything yet and don't plan on doing anything today, so bear with me, okay? I hear what you're saying, and I'm listening attentively to your advice. I know that it's probably the wrong thing to do, but I hope you can see how my heart is torn. I'm not seeing H hardly at all right now, and to have the opportunity to spend a few days with him and his parents??? It's so hard. I'm not saying it's the right thing to do in terms of where we are at right now with everything. I just hope you can see how I'm struggling with this...
Keep giving me strength, you guys. I want to become a better person; I really do. I WANT TO WIN BACK MY H - and myself...
