Does she have her list of *daily* household chores? Does she do them everyday and do you get to critique them?
She has her household duties, and she does them like clockwork. If I felt like it, I could critique them. I don't, because I don't care about the kind of household chores we're talking about here: cleaning. The MC, almost as an afterthought (and with, if I recall correctly, a bit of a wry smile), said that I, likewise, could pick out one thing to criticize.
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Does MrsHD have a list of things that you want from her that she's supposed to be working on as well?
If you go WAY back in my threads, you will find our lists. Mine included "tell me about the things I do right, and the things you appreciate in me" "Respect my boundaries" "Be a loving, caring role model for your stepkids" "relate to me as an adult" "try to understand why touching/physical affection is important to me" "make love with me". Her list included "manage your ex-wife" "take time to do things right" "join me in a spiritual exploration - become more interested in your own journey" "stay within budget" "follow through on agreements" "don't make demands of me" "respect my needs for space" "be confident in my love for you". She has actually improved a bit on the telling me about things I do right. Respecting boundaries? Yeah, for the most part - when this was an issue, the boundary she kept disrespecting was that I didn't want her to try to talk with me after I was asleep. Loving role model to stepkids? She has all but given up on caring for any of their well-being, for which she blames their mother. Despite the fact that my ex poisons the kids' minds against W, she gave up on them shortly after this list. She doesn't relate to me as an adult when she's angry or upset with me. She touches me when she's feeling happy, or when she realizes I haven't tried to touch her for a week or so, but still, the touching never crosses the line into anything sensual. Making love? Nope.
Have I done the things on her list? You know, the one thing on her list that I thought I'd never accomplish was the "spiritual journey" thing. Now, I've done it, and couldn't be happier. I really like the new church we attend, and, as noted in earlier posts, she seems a bit threatened by it. I "manage" my ex, even though W's definition of "manage" has swung from "I don't want to hear anything about her" to "keep me updated on any dealings/conversations with her". I've stayed within budget. For the most part, I do things "right", although, as noted, we may differ on that definition. Follow through on agreements? Yep, e.g. the house cleaning agreement. The "don't make demands" and "give me space" I think I've done. She likely sees my bringing up the sex issue as "making demands" of her, but read it yourself and tell me what the demand is. I could say that I missed the "be confident in my love for you" item, but, when I think about it logically, I think she does feel love for me, in her own way. It just differs from my way.
So there you have our two lists. She later added two items, and I have admitted problems with complying with both of them. "Be honest with me...don't omit things" and "don't make assumption about what W wants or needs."
