What I had in mind was to do a quid pro quo for something as simple as house chores. She seems to have a need to control everything, so I was trying to think of a way to show her that letting go of that control will not mean the end of the world. Life will go on and you will do your part of helping around the house because you want to and you care for her, not because she threatens and intimidates you.
But the means she will have to get comfortable with the idea of accept those “gifts” from you too. If she “forces” you to do something, she does not need to worry about how you feel about it. Emotion is not involved at all. But if you do it out of compassion and love, then she has to face the vulnerability of accept those gifts and allow herself to feel. That might be scary for her, especially if part of the quid pro quo concerns sex.
So set of a training “pattern” of exchanging gifts, chores, some kind of LL item, using a less emotional “thing.” Removing the vulnerability that comes from swapping for sex could actually be a more valuable lesson for her. If she has trouble accepting a simple act of service which is not connected to sex at all, how is she going to put the focus on you? She might have to take a look at herself.
Focusing on sex provides a convenient shield for her. All she has to do is use the fall-back feminist defense that men are all pigs for wanting sex, and that whole quid pro quo is not even worthy of consideration. So take sex out of the equation and see whether she can still deal with the quid pro quo. I am betting she can’t, which is what you want.
