I don't know about the "tit for tat" (maybe quid pro quo is a better way to put it) making the cut here. I could see that just backfiring. In fact, my C has specifically counseled against any appearance of this, a la "give me sex and I'll do the AoS/QT/whatever; withhold sex and the house will be a dusty, quiet place..."
Let me clarify, because I wasn’t thinking about sex as part of the exchange. More like sharing daily chores, cooking, picking up the kids, maybe even talking about your true feelings? Sex is too vulnerable for her to include in any exchanges. Start with something of lower value to her for building up the foundation.
I think my wife’s motto of “Don’t mix sex with emotion” applies to your W too. As bogus as it is, that is how she thinks. So I am trying to change the underlying basis for why she feels she needs to have such a philosophy. Attacking that philosophy head-on is futile.
