What is the basis for her saying you DIDN’T do something? What right is it of her to judge you in the first place?
The "x,y, and z" I was talking about was more about the financial mismanagement and the deceptions. These are things I have already acknowledged to her, but apparently need to be re-confessed. I see your point about not tolerating her judging my mode of doing something. I suppose the "didn't do something" is more about me agreeing to do something, and then not following through. That's one of my problems, and I work on it every day.
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But you do it to your standards, then tell her you like it, that it is to your standards, and she is just arguing over preference.
Back when we came up with the housecleaning arrangement, in the MC's office, the MC said to W, "and, if you find several things that you don't like about the way he cleaned that week, you should pick one, and only one, and tell him that." She used to be pretty good at following this guideline, but there are times when it seems like she just gets on a rant and starts listing. (Kind of like me, except I rant to you folks)
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Do you see that your initial presumptions leave you open to criticism before you even do anything? You presume she has the right to treat you this way. So she does! Whose fault is that? Change your presumptions, make those new boundaries very clear to her, and then act as if the matter is closed. If she challenges the work, ignore her. If she challenges you right to make those decisions, be ready to defend yourself, vigorously (IMO).
Yes, I have set up some wrong-headed presumptions. They likely started early in the relationship as well-intentioned efforts to "make her happy" or to become indispensable. That didn't work out very well.
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I would drop expectations of sex within your mind, not hers. Your prospect of having sex anytime soon is zero to none IMO. Don’t frustrate yourself with false hope.
I am harboring only the smallest ember of hope that there is sex (with my wife) in my future. Sure, an ember can set a whole forest on fire, but right now, it's deep inside of me, barely glowing, protected. I don't know what she thinks about it.
I don't know about the "tit for tat" (maybe quid pro quo is a better way to put it) making the cut here. I could see that just backfiring. In fact, my C has specifically counseled against any appearance of this, a la "give me sex and I'll do the AoS/QT/whatever; withhold sex and the house will be a dusty, quiet place..."
