Conflict avoiders seem to be specially designed to fall into EAs.
You have things on your mind that you want to talk to somebody about, but you dread the thought of how your spouse might react to it. You meet someone that's willing to listen, doesn't freak out about whatever it is (maybe because she's not actually your partner and thus isn't threatened by any problems you may have), and you get addicted to the idea that someone "knows" you without judging you.
If your spouse catches wind of this and gets upset (as spouses are wont to do when you are emotionally connecting with someone else) you adopt the mindset that the spouse is not only unwilling to listen to your thoughts and problems without biting your head off (not that you gave her a real chance, you just assumed!) but is also bent on driving away anyone else that might listen you your thoughts and problems without biting your head off; from there it's a short leap to assuming that she's doing this out of pure spite and that she wants you to suffer a life without any emotional connections or companionship at all.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
