With someone as LD as Mrs.HD, clearing up the other issues will not result in increased sexual desire within her. I would ask her to make some sort of compromise to you as a symbol of her commitment to the marriage, while letting her know you are working on yourself to improve things as well. If she's not willing to budge at all, then the NOP plan seems like the way to go.
I agree with this. You cannot MAKE Mrs. HD feel secure. And besides, has she given any indication that her refusal to have sex with some predictable frequency has anything to do with your chores, $$ spending, etc? I see the connection between trust and intimacy in a global way, but as hd points out, even when all the t's are crossed and the i's dotted, she's too tired or whatever.
I think her email should be taken at face value. Asking her for clarification makes sense. That email. while civil, doesn't offer much hope. It says, 'right now there's too much going on but in the future when presumably there's less going on, I may not want to change either. If you can't live with that, let's part."
The honesty-- saying what's going on with hd and not hiding-- may or may not help HER change, but it will give hd a greater sense of HIS OWN integrity. Back when he started making The Statement about wanting sex once a week, that was what he wrote, "I'm feeling better about MYSELF."
I'm always preaching compassion... but after a certain point compassion becomes buying into the other person's excuses for why they are treating you like cr@p.
Kind of like Lou's BB chattering during sex. Okay, she doesn't enjoy it. But TALKING about nonsense at such a time... that's just plain rude. Mrs. HD has drawn a line in the sand, and whether she's doing it out of meanness or fear, the effect on HD is still the same.
The thing I was spouting back a few weeks was to go for a behavioral change. To ask her to commit to a change in her behavior REGARDLESS (or IRREGARDLESS ) of how she feels. HD can't change her feelings, but he can ask her to change her behavior out of love, which she claims to feel for him.
She has said she won't change to sex once a week. Ask for a compromise. How about once a month? HD, you can ask her to commit to having sex ONCE A YEAR on your birthday, and see what she says. I'm guessing she won't commit to anything.
If she won't agree to a minimal commitment of some kind... then why keep going down this cheeseless tunnel hoping for change? She has spoken. More attention-getting tactics are called for, i.e., the NOP plan.
) of how she feels. HD can't change her feelings, but he can ask her to change her behavior out of love, which she claims to feel for him. 
